Have I ever told you that you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met, Lila?

Every day since I met you.

Good. Just wanted to make sure it hadn't slipped my mind. (BEAT) Stay with me, Lila. Promise me you'll stay with me.

What is it? What'd I say?

I want to stay with you, Nelson. I really do. It's just that...I don't know how to tell you this, but....I have to leave town. Tonight.

Whoa. Hold on a second. What do you mean you have to leave town tonight?

I have to. I don't want to, Nelson, please believe me. The last two weeks have been the best of my life. You've made me so happy. I never want to be away from you. It's just that, before I met you, I was in a bit of trouble. I needed some money to pay off my debts, so I had to go to a loan shark. I've sold everything I had, but it still wasn't enough. He's going to hurt me, Nelson. I'm scared.

It's all right, Lila honey. I'll take care of everything.

You don't understand. I'm supposed to meet with him in a few hours. If I don't have the money, he'll kill me. I don't want to die, Nelson. I don't want to die.

You don't have anything to worry about.

What do you mean? There's no way out of this. I have to get out of town now. Don't make this any harder for me than it is, Nelson. I don't want to leave you.

Lila, baby. I love you.

Now don't say that.

Why not? It's true.

But it makes it so hard to leave.

Now, I told you I'd take care of everything. Just tell me one thing. Do you love me?

I love you, Nelson.

That's all I needed to know.

What are you doing?

I'm writing your loan shark friend a check. How much do you owe him?

Nelson, you can't!

Nonsense. It's the least I can do. How much?

Twenty thousand. But it's my problem, not yours! You don't have to...

I know I don't have to, Lila, but I want to be able to help you. I want you to leave your old life behind. I want you to be able to stay with me forever. Will you stay with me, Lila?

Oh, yes, Nelson! Yes!

I'm supposed to meet him in an hour I'd...I'd better be going. I'll be back soon, and then all our worries will be over.

Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?

No. No, I'm sure I'll be just fine.

You get the money?

Look. I know the check's good. The man's a god damn millionaire.

I'm sorry, sir. The bank says the account has been closed.

God damn it!

If you'd like to call the bank yourself, that would be no problem.

No. No, never mind.

Get the cash?

Nope. Account was closed. Must have happened last night when you didn't go back. Like I said.

Oh.

Yeah.

God damn it! Why the hell'd you have to leave last night? I told you you should have gone back.

Fuck you! I was sick of that guy. Besides, I thought...

You thought? Who the hell do you think you are? That was your first god damn con, and I've been doing this shit for the past thirty years!

Yeah, well you weren't the one in there with him. If I didn't get out last night, I might never...

No such thing as never. You gotta learn that. Look, I don't care if you liked the guy or not. First thing you've got to learn is to play parts. If you've got to be a man's lover, you learn to love that man with every waking thought. If you don't learn that much, you'll never get anywhere in this business.

I know all that. You've been telling me that since the day I met you.

Yeah, but I haven't seen you do it once. Look, sugar, I don't need you. I've worked solo most my life, and I sure as Hell don't need you now.

Yeah, but you can use me, can't you? People are much more willing to fall for a pretty face, right?

You may have something there.

You know I have something there. I'm cut out for this sort of thing. You said so yourself.

What I said is that you might not be bad at this.

And I was doing pretty well there for a while.

I've seen worse. Look, admit you blew this one, and I'll set you to work on our next one.

Fine. I fucked up. What next?

You think you can handle this sort of thing?

What sort of thing?

The whole vamp thing.

Sure. Why?

I want you to go find yourself a nice, rich bachelor and settle down.

What?

Some rich, dumb kid. Find one and marry him.

You've lost it, Flaherty.

The hell I have. What's the problem?

Won't fly around here. I've been through this area before. Someone will recognize me.

All right. We'll head south.

How about Huntsville?

Alabama?

Alabama.

Fine.

Good. Take the car. I'll meet up with you in a few days. You'd better be married and he'd better have money.

I'll do my best.

You'll have to do better than that..

Happy Anniversary, Honey.

Doesn't it seem kind of silly to be celebrating a one week anniversary?

Not to me it doesn't. I just want you to know how much I love you, Lila.

Uh-huh. Well, I love you too sweetheart.

I arranged reservations for our honeymoon today.

Oh, good. How exactly did your father make his money again? Textiles, you said?

You don't need to worry about it, honey. I'll take care of you.

I just want to know what it is I'm getting into here.

Lila, honey. All you need to know is that I love you more than life itself, and that I'll take care of you till the day you die.

That's very sweet of you.

It's the truth. I can't live without you, darlin'.

You know I feel the same way about you, my sweet. I just feel like you're keeping me out of your life.

It's not that, it's just that I don't feel my wife needs to be involved with all that boring business talk. Steel working? It's not that much fun.

Of course. Excuse me, I have to go visit the ladies room.

Not even going to say hello, Lila?

Flaherty? Flaherty? Where the hell have you been?

Got pulled in on a vagrancy charge the first day I pulled into town. Just got out this afternoon. How's tricks?

How's tricks? How's tricks?!?

Keep your voice down.

Do you have any idea what life has been like since I last saw you? I've spent every god damn minute of the past week and a half with that inbred redneck hick drooling all over me! I've had to sleep with that fuckin' goober for the past seven nights! Do you have any idea what it's like going to bed with a Southern man? I would rather sleep with a horde of wild Mongols than another one of these cow-fucker little pissants. What the fuck am I doing this for?

You're doing this for money. Lots of it. He's rich, right?

Yeah, he's rich. Daddy made a bundle in textiles or peanuts or something like that. He doesn't want to give me access to his bank account, though. Thinks a woman doesn't need to deal with that sort of thing.

Well, you know how to pick em.

Yeah, but I didn't think I'd have to stay with him for a week.

You want to get away?

Hell, yeah!

Fine. Let's go.

What? Here?

Yup. You're being kidnapped.

What's that?

Ransom note. What's his name?

Harrison. Tyler Harrison.

Fine. All right, let's go.

Say. Nice car.

Thanks.

No. I mean it. That's a real beaut! Gorgeous.

Give me that!

Hey! Give that back.

Look. Just mind your own business and everything will be just fine.

Why did you have to do that?

You don't want pictures of you floating around. Things go bad, people have an idea who to look for. Besides, how would it look if you were supposed to be kidnapped, and someone had a picture of you gallivanting about while you're supposed to be being tortured by kidnappers.

Fine. So, how long do I have to stay here?

Few days, at most. Look, you're going to have to stay put. Don't let anyone see you. If they recognize you, it's all over.

Okay. What are you going to do?

I'm going to tail the kid for a while. Make sure he doesn't go to the police.

Why wouldn't he?

Told him I'd kill you if he did. He's dumb, right?

Yeah.

Good. Should be enough, then. Might have to mail him your hand or something. Better follow him just to be sure.

Uh, miss. I think there's been an accident outside. There's a man lying with blood all over him. You'd better go take a look.

Why don't I just call an ambulance?

No. He needs help right away. I think you need to go help him.

You could help him?

No, I think he needs, uh, special help. You'd better hurry. I think it's serious.

I suggest you leave quickly, before I call the police.

Excuse me, miss. Could I get change for a twenty? A ten and ten ones, if you don't mind. I just need to get a pack of smokes. Nasty habit, I suppose, but better than some.

You know, I did promise my kid I'd stop smoking, maybe I'd better just trade these in for a ten. Keep me from feeding them into the damn machine, right? Sure is fine weather we're having, isn't it? Nothing like Alabama in the spring. You know, this is all kind of silly. Why don't you just take that ten and the stack of ones and give me my twenty back?

Thanks a lot. I sure do owe you a big...

What the hell were you doing in there, kid?

I needed some cash. Long story.

I got time. Let's go get some coffee.

So, why do you need cash all of a sudden?

My wife was kidnapped.

That's a damn shame. Why not just pay them off?

I'm flat broke is why. Spent my last few dollars buying her dinner last night.

Why the hell would someone kidnap a woman with no money?

Aw, she had money. I just can't get to it. We've only been married a week.

I see. So you figured you could swipe cash from a bus station register to pay them off?

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

How much?

How much what?

How much do the kidnappers want?

Half a million.

That's a pretty piece of change.

Tell me about it. I've never had more than a hundred bucks in my life.

Kid, can I give you a piece of advice?

I could use it.

Women. Avoid them.

What?

Ok, here it is. I'd just sit back and wait. Don't go to the cops. Don't steal any more money. Just give me a couple hours to think about it. I think I can help you some.

I just met you. Why would you want to help me?

Why? Because I don't want anything to happen to your wife. She sounds like a lovely woman.

You'll help me, mister? How?

I don't know yet, but I'm thinking. Let's go, this coffee's terrible.

Say! Nice wallet.

Thanks. If there's one thing you should come to appreciate, it's the value of a nice wallet. I've had this one for years. I picked it up last time I was down in Cuba. So, if your wife's so rich, how come she decided to marry you? True love?

You know, the first time I ever saw that woman, I figured there was no way I'd ever have her. Lila pulled into town, all dolled up like a big city woman and driving a nice old car. I knew she was way out of my league, but, hell, my daddy always told me anything worth having is worth working for, so I spent most of my college money on some new clothes, a few nice dinners. Dropped a few hints that I was rolling in cash, and next thing you know, we're at the justice of the peace. And now I'll probably never see her again.

Heartbreaking. Look, I've gotta take care of a couple errands. I'll meet you here in two hours. Just sit down and have some coffee. You'll feel better.

How'd it go?

Fine.

He go to the police?

No.

Is he going to pay the ransom?

Off hand, my answer would be no.

No?

No. Do you know why?

No.

Because he doesn't have any fucking money! He's a dirt-poor country boy who was probably born in a god damn barn. He spent his childhood thinking a night on the town was a trip to the feed store. What the hell gave you the idea he was rich? What in the name of all that is holy gave you the idea that this piece of shit country boy had more than a dime to his name? Why on earth would anyone think that little inbred opossum would be rich?

He dressed nice.

He dressed nice.

What?

You got burned by a peanut farmer.

Look, you didn't give me any instructions when you sent me down here. You told me to get married and I did....

No. I told you to find someone rich and marry him. You married some guy who has to think twice before splurging on fries!

I don't have to take this shit!

Where the hell are you going?

I'm leaving. I can't take it any more. I'm better off on my own.

The hell you are! You're nothing without me.

You're that good?

Yeah. The best.

If you're so god damn good, let's see you make a buck out of this one.

Fine.

What?

Fine. You stay here. I'll take care of everything.

Where the hell are you going? Come back here!

I figured it out. Come on. Let's get some dinner.

Okay, how am I going to get her back?

Kid, let me ask you something.

Shoot.

What are you willing to do to get her back?

Anything. Anything at all.

Do you consider yourself a charmer?

Well, my cousins always said that..

No, what I mean is, you ever think of using that face to, well, convince people of things that weren't necessarily true?

Oh. Like a flimflam man!

Sure. Just like a flimflam man. You've got a good face for it. Believable. Trustworthy. Lots of people will fall for it.

But I'm horrible at lying. You saw me at the bus station.

Do you know what a con means? Confidence. You've got to have confidence in yourself. You've got to have confidence in your ability. And, most of all, you've got to have confidence in your story.

I did.

The hell you did! Did you honestly believe that there was a man bleeding to death out there? Did you see a man dying a slow death? If someone had asked you what was in the parking lot, would your first response have been, a man holding in his own intestines in a futile attempt to keep them from falling out?

No.

It's just a question of confidence. Confidence and attitude. With those two, you just can't lose.

I just don't think I'm cut out for it.

It's easy. Watch.

Two prime ribs. And put it on my tab.

I'm sorry, sir. We don't keep tabs here.

And why the hell not?

Restaurant policy.

Do you value your job here?

Yes, sir.

You don't know who I am, do you?

No, sir.

You mean to tell me you haven't seen one thing in the paper about the film production crew in town?

No, sir.

I can't believe it. Kid, who's supposed to be doing publicity for us?

Uh....Michael?

Yeah, that's it. Michael. Have him fired. Tonight! God damn it, no one in this town's heard about it. Hundred million they're spending on this film, you'd think the town would be excited.

Oh, we are sir!

Oh, you're excited and you haven't even seen the set?

The set?? Sure, I've seen the set. It's the...set! With all the trucks. By the street.

Okay, that's better. But I still want Michael fired.

I'll take care of it.

Good. Say, you've got a good face there, kid.

You think so?

Sure. I'm a director, aren't I? I know a camera face when I see one! Say, why don't you give me a call tomorrow? Maybe we can work something out for you?

Really?

Sure. You could have a future. Here's my card.

Pest control?

You don't know much, do you kid?

No sir.

Good. Call me tomorrow.

I will, sir. (BEAT) How would you like your steaks?

See how easy it is, kid? Admit it, you liked helping me out back there. You feel that rush? We had that waiter in the palm of our hands. You get it, kid? You're a natural!

It was kind of fun.

Kid, you ain't really lived life until you've had a man eating out of your hands. Anything you say is God's own truth in their eyes. Anything you do is the Word and Law. You are their entire existence. That, my friend, is what living is all about.

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.

Nice doesn't begin to describe it. (BEAT) So, are you in or out?

Hell, I'm in. If it can get me my wife back.

Oh. Your wife. No problem. You need half a mil, right?

Half a million by tomorrow at six or they kill my darling Lila.

No problem. I've got everything under control.

You do?

Doubt is the first step to failure. Trust, my friend, is the golden road pathway to success.

Trust.

Why are we here?

Kid, you've got to go to where the money is. Who are the five richest people in town?

I don't know. Mr. Spanzotti just moved in last year and bought up that mansion on Williams.

Probably in with the Mob. Who else you got?

Old Widow Spelman always paid for her groceries with hundred dollar bills.

Old widow? You want the AARP on our ass? No. We need someone who would be willing to drop half a million on a land deal.

Oh. How about Jefferson Hughes? Someone had told me that he gets kickbacks from his city council post.

Perfect. Let's just take a look at his file. Make sure he has the cash on hand.

May I help you?

Yes, I'd like to take a look at my tax returns from last year. The name's Wilson. John Wilson.

One moment, sir.

I couldn't seem to find your...where is your friend?

Uh, he had to go to the bathroom. Nose bleed.

Ah. Well, tell him to come back when he's feeling better.

Nosebleeds?

It was the best I could think of.

Good enough. Anyway, I got the file. Looks like Hughes is definitely our man. Loads of suspect deductions. Pulled in over four million last year. I couldn't have asked for a better mark.

I don't know if this is such a good idea.

Why the hell not? The man's begging to be hit. We'll start first thing in the morning.

I told you he was on city council, right?

So? What of it?

He runs this town. Police. Fire department. All of it. Won't he get mad if we take half a million from him?

He would if he thinks we took it from him. But we're going to be so smooth, he's going to be thanking us for taking his money Besides, you want to save your wife, right?

Yeah.

Do anything for her, right?

Anything.

Good. Now let's find ourselves a hotel. You're going to want to get some sleep in you. We're going to have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.

No TV. Right.

I don't fucking believe it.

Damn physicists.

Son of a bitch is gonna pay.

Hello?

Hi there.

Ummm....hi. Who is this?

I'm your new friend.

Uh, great. Why are you calling me?

I'm going to be doing a lot more than just calling you. You won the convention sweepstakes and guess who you're getting as a prize?

What sweepstakes?

It wasn't really publicized. Now, here's what I want you to do, put down the phone and open your door. I left you a present.

OK. Now what?

Now, I want you to take off all your clothes and put on my panties. Then blindfold yourself.

What? Why the hell should I do any of this? I have no idea who you are.

How was the convention?

It..it was fine. I presented my paper on differential imaging equation typology.

Sounds like you did a great job. Don't you deserve to get out of yourself for a while? Take a walk on the wild side.

I don't know.

Let me take over for a while.

Blindfold?

Trust me.

Hello, Police. I'm staying at the Twin Oaks Motel and there's this, well, (WHISPERED) prostitute next door. Yes, they're making so much noise and, you know, I'm very sensitive to that sort of thing, and I just can't stand to be so close to something like that. You will? Oh, thank you officer.

Hi, lover.

I've never done anything like this before in my life. I don't know what I'd tell my wife if she ever found out.

I know. I'm not going to tell her.

You worthless piece of trash. You'd lick my boots just to get a whiff of me!

Uh, sure.

Sure? Sure?

Let me make this clear. I am your mistress. There is no "uh, sure" with me. Do you understand?

Yes.

Yes, mistress!

Yes, mistress.

Good. Now, are you ready for your punishment?

Yes, mistress!

Hold on a moment. You're a big boy. I'm need to get my special tools.

Once again, mistress! Beat me like a mule!

I'd be glad to, boy.

Having trouble getting to sleep? Want me to turn out the light?

No. It's not that.

What is it, then? Not enough coffee?

No. I'm just a little nervous about hitting Hughes. I mean, he'll kill us when he finds out. Shit like this didn't happen at the Piggly Wiggly.

Oh, you're just nervous. I used to feel that way before a job, too. Don't worry. It gets better.

What makes you think I'll do it again?

You should be glad you're starting out so big. I had to pull short cons in convenience store parking lots for six years before I saw a job in the four figures?

What did you do?

Nothing big. Quick little two-bit con jobs. Not the most profitable, but not too risky.

Like what?

Well, I was a card man, myself. Knew almost any card trick under the sun.

Show me one.

You got any cards?

There's some in the drawer. On top of the Bible.

All right. This one doesn't take a whole lot of slight of hand, just a lot of confidence. Watch closely.

Keep your eye on the cards, sir. Don't miss a second. Now, pick one.

Now, at this point, you bet the mark you can't draw the card out of the deck, with your eyes closed. So, where's the card?

In your sleeve.

Very good.

How is that going to help me with Hughes?

Everything I teach you. Every move I make. The way my lip twitches before I take a drink of coffee will help you with Hughes.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this.

Kid, I'm just trying to help you out. How long have you lived in this town?

Twenty three years.

This is something different. Something new. Something exciting. Pulling a job just makes you feel alive. Makes you feel right out there on the edge. There's something about it that just makes life worth living.

You think so?

I'd be dead if it weren't. Look, why don't you go take a walk? Get some fresh air. Think about it for a while.

Think on it.

See, my old lady keeps trying to get me to find another job, but I keep telling her I'm happy where I am. Are you happy where you are?

I haven't figured that out yet. Look, buddy, I feel real bad about all your troubles. Say, why don't you let me buy the next round of drinks?

No. I can't let you do that. I've really had enough. Wife's going to kill me.

All right.

What are those for?

Pick a card.

All right. If I can pull out the card you drew, you buy the drinks. Otherwise, I have to pick up the tab.

You're crazy. You'll never do it.

Three of hearts?

I'll be damned! Bartender! More drinks.

Feeling any better?

Yeah. Yeah, I think I am.

Good. Better get some sleep. We're getting up in four hours.

Flaherty and Harrison are seated at the counter, much as they were the day before. It is exceedingly early in the morning, as evidenced by Harrison's extremely groggy demeanor. Flaherty, on the other hand, is chain-smoking happily.

Beautiful morning, isn't it?

Why is someone pounding on my eyeballs? It's too damn early.

It's never too early. Another thing you gotta understand, kid. To get the job done right, you have to be willing to do anything, anytime to make your mark buy the story. If the mark wakes up at six, you're at his bedside with a plate of waffles. Got that?

Grumble. What are we doing anyway? You haven't told me shit.

I'll tell you when you need to know.

We're partners, right? Its six o clock in the god damn morning. I think I deserve to be told what the hell we're doing.

Hey there, Bubba. Calm down. First off, we're not partners. We gotta get me a car, and some clothes. You've got some decent clothes at home, right?

Just the ones I bought to marry Lila.

Don't remind me. Just do this. Head out to city limits and buy us an option on some land.

Why?

Trust. Don't make me stab you again. Just buy up thirty acres or so. Here, take this checkbook.

Warren Darling?

Yeah. Now, whatever the farmer wants for the land, offer three times that. Got it?

Sure. But...

Doesn't matter. Just do what I say. After the farmer takes the check, slip him a stack of twenties to follow these instructions.

"Should anyone ask about the new owner of the land, accept a bribe, then give him this phone number..." What phone is that?

Cell phone. It was in the briefcase. Nice, huh? Picked it up last night. Now, when you're done with that, head on back to the hotel.

What are you going to be doing?

Convincing Hughes your little plot of dirt is worth a half a million.

Flaherty, I'm rapidly losing that trust thing.

Kid, you ever want to see your Lila again, you better get it back.

Lila is back in her hotel room, already awake and alert. She is seated in bed, holding the piece of paper on which she has written the information gleaned from the Physicist's wallet. She leans over and grabs the phone, dials, and begins talking in a Southern accent.

Hello, First Alabama Bank? This is, uh, Mrs. Douglas Linder. Yes, Mrs. Elizabeth Linder. I'd like to open a new bank account, for my charity. The United Crippled Orphan's Fund. Why, that's wonderful. I'll stop by to fill out the paperwork tomorrow.

Hello, Northwest Airlines?

Best damn car on the lot.

Grunt. How much?

Twenty-two thousand.

Ooooh. That's kind of pricey.

True, but you've got to understand that a car like this only goes up in value. And, I can give it to you for no money down.

No money down, you say? You speak my language.

From the moment you walked on this lot, I knew you were a sensible man. I'll have Edwina draw up the papers.

Can I help you, sir?

Yeah, fill up the tank, why don't you?

Right away, sir. Can I get you anything else?

Yeah, where can a guy get a bite to eat in this town?

Well, I usually eat at Wok Express...

Let me rephrase that. Where would a guy like me want to eat?

Oh. Sir. That would be the Washington Club. But you need to be a member to eat there.

Perfect. Thanks, kid.

Thanks, kid.

Well, how do you like that? A forty dollar tip. I gotta tell Jim about this one.

Hello?

Hello, Ma'am. I'm calling as a representative from the Untied Crippled Orphans' fund. We're trying to raise funds for a new youth center for the children and are wondering if you could find it in your heart to donate.

Why, yes. I'd love to. Crippled orphans, you say?

Yes, Ma'am. Poor children with no parents and no legs.

Oh, that's awful!

Isn't it though?

Where should I send the check?

Bless you ma'am. If you could send it to...

...2347 West Kensington...

Excuse me, sir.

Hello?

I was wondering if you could tell me....

Wait. You're that rich guy from out of town!

How's you hear that?

Word gets around.

Sure does. Say, do you think you could tell me how to get to the Washington Club?

What's it worth to you?

Say, which one of these is Mr. Hughes?

That one at the bar, sir.

Whiskey and soda. (to Hughes) Can I buy you a drink?

Why not? Bit early in the day, but one can't hurt. Scotch, if you don't mind. It's not often one finds a Yankee quite so generous as yourself, sir.

I'm new in town, so I figured it couldn't hurt to make some friends. Name's Wilson. Paul Wilson.

Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wilson. You can call me Jefferson. So, what brings you to our fair city?

Business, really. I work for Chipco International. You've heard of us? Deal mostly in microtechnology. My employers sent me down here to purchase some land for our new factory.

Really? They must trust you an awful lot.

They sure do. Just told me to use my best judgment. No spending guidelines whatsoever.

Excuse me. I should probably get that. (into phone) Wilson. You don't say? The President? (to Hughes) Excuse me.

Do you know who that is?

I hear his whole car's full of money!

So, uh, how do you like our town?

Nice place, but, and I hope you'll accept my apologies, I just can't wait to get back home to my wife.

Completely understandable. I take it, then, you have found your piece of land.

I believe I have. Perfect little spot just out on east 128. I think I'll be heading out around four to see how much the owner wants for it.

He's a lucky man.

Sure is.

I would think someone might try to beat you to it.

Happens all the time. Heck, I had to pay almost a million for the last one. Kind of unfortunate, but, hey, it's not my money.

That sounds like a fine set up you have there. Well, I've got to go. It was a pleasure talking to you, Mr. Wilson.

Pleasure's all mine, sir.

Brian? This is Jefferson. I need to find out about land for sale out on east 128. Have any lots been optioned recently? It has? Damn it! All right, give me the address.

Hello, is this Mr. Delroy McKenna of the Montana Militia. This is Elizabeth Linder of Huntsville, Alabama. I'd like to make a donation to your organization. Five thousand dollars. It's my pleasure, sir. Yes, I'll send out a certified check this evening.

Mr. McMurtry?

Yup.

Pleased to meet you, sir. I understand you sold this piece of land this morning.

Yup.

Who did you sell it to?

Don't reckon I should be telling you that sort of thing.

Look. I'm a member of the city council. I need to know.

Don't reckon I should be telling you that sort of thing.

How much?

Pardon?

How much would it cost to get you to tell me?

Don't rightly know.

Twenty dollars? Thirty?

I always felt that a business transaction is a private affair between two people.

Fifty, then? Look, I need to know who owns this land!

One hundred.

Fine. Here. Now, who owns it?

Well, he never actually told me his name.

Young fellow. Good looking. Never mentioned his name. Left his phone number though.

What was it?

The number?

Yes!!

He's not going to call.

What the hell do you mean, he's not going to call? He bought the whole story. Don't think so negatively or you'll never be a decent, uh, flimflam man.

We're not going to get her back.

What? Who?

Lila. I'm never going to see her again. They're going to kill her.

Oh. Right. Look, kid. Just sit quietly and wait for the phone call. Do you want some coffee?

Where are you going?

Can't take it any more. I'm going out for a walk.

The hell you are! What if the phone rings while you're out? You think about that?

It's not going to ring.

Kid, how many time's do I gotta tell you? Everything's gonna go fine.

I'm taking a walk.

Answer it!

What do I say?

Don't tell him anything. Just agree to meet with his this afternoon.

Got it.

Hello. Yes. Yes. Oh, really. You don't say. Fine, I'll meet with you in an hour. Where?

Where?

How the hell should I know? You're the one who lives here!

Oh. Right. How about the park?

Fine.

The park. Three o clock.

You did good, kid. Didn't I tell you everything's gonna be all right.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Course I'm right. Come on, we gotta get to your park.

Kid, if you don't relax, this isn't going to work.

What do you mean?

Look, do you remember your story?

Yeah.

Lemme hear it.

I'm working for an unnamed interested party in Atlanta who got a tip from a friend in the Department of Defense. I nabbed the land this morning, but my employer is willing to dump it for half a million.

Dump it? Come on. We're not dumping land here; we're offering him the deal of a lifetime! You could get one point five mil easy, but you could use a friend in town. Got that?

Yeah, I got it.

Good, because he's here.

What?

Over by the park bench. Good luck. I'll meet you in the car.

What? You're not coming with me?

How the hell could I come with you? I'm supposed to be a legitimate representative for a defense contractor. He sees me with you, we're finished.

But I can't do this alone!

Sure you can, kid. Just remember what I taught you. Believe in your story. Stay calm. If he tries to catch you on something, just bullshit him. Besides, you've got a good face. You'll be fine.

Easy for you to say.

You think I would have you do anything I haven't already done a million times? It's easy.

If it's so easy, how come you haven't done this a million times and retired?

Don't push me, kid. Look, just get over there.

I don't know...

You want to see Lila again?

Yeah. Right. Lila. See you in the car.

Lila is on her bed, still on the phone. She is looking a little less energetic, but is continuing to collect money for her fictional charity.

Ma'am, I'm sorry to hear that your son is crippled, but don't you want to help other children just like little Timmy? And besides, all that money you're spending on water therapy isn't really helping that much, is it? Exactly. Thank you, Mrs. Pettus.

God damn these people are slow!

Hello, sir. I need some cash for crippled orphans, so put a check in the mail! What? Well, thank you, sir. Your generosity amazes me.

A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hughes.

The pleasure's all mine. Though perhaps this is more business than pleasure.

Yes. I understand you are interested in purchasing a piece of land I acquired this morning.

Indeed. Let's not mince words, man. I need that land, so name your figure.

Half a million.

That's a pretty price for a few acres of dirt.

Yes, but we both know what that dirt is for. Either you're in or you're out.

I'll give you four hundred thousand.

I'm sorry. I find that offer unacceptable. Perhaps Mr. Wilkins can give me a more competitive offer.

Wilkins?

The fellow from the defense contractors.

Funny. I could have sworn his name was Wilson.

Wilson, Wilkins. Doesn't really matter, does it? You spoke earlier of mining words, so let's not mince any here. That land should be worth a small fortune by the end of the week and you and I both know it. Mr. Hughes, I know you're a businessman, and this is just business. If you are not willing to pay what I ask, I am perfectly willing to settle with Wilson and clean up for myself. But, if the price is right, I wouldn't mind having a friend in town. Four hundred k is not the right price. So, unless you have anything more to say, good day to you, sir.

Now, wait a moment there, boy. Let's not be so hasty. Perhaps we can still arrange something.

Half a million. Cash. No discussion.

It's in my car.

Nice place you've got here.

Thanks. How'd I do?

You did good, kid. Real good.

Thanks. I'm sweating like a pig, though.

Go take a shower. We've still got an hour before we have to go drop off the cash.

Shouldn't we get there early? Just to be safe.

No, get there early, and they'll probably be suspicious.

All right. Do you think they'll let her go?

Why wouldn't they? Don't be silly. Go take your shower.

Fucking unbelievable.

Damn, that's smooth.

Look familiar? Is this your wonderful wife? Is this the five hundred thousand dollar woman?

What the hell are you talking about?

You kidnapped Lila!!

My wife too. My wife too.

Where the hell did you get that?

You marry a woman that looks like that, you gotta take pictures.

You're not married to Lila!

Not anymore. Had this picture taken just before she skipped town.

What?

Kid, I think you'd better sit down.

I'll be fine. Just tell me what the hell you're talking about.

Lila. She's my ex-wife. She ran out on me about eight months ago. Took all the cash I had. Hooked up with some rich bastard in Detroit, last I heard. Guess she got tired of him, decided to hit you.

Wait. Why would she want to hit me?

You told her you were rich, right?

Damn it, all she wanted was the money. God damn it. God damn it.

It's okay, kid. I fell for the same damn thing. It happens to the best of us.

It's not okay. I can't believe I trusted that...that...that woman!

Not entirely your fault. She's one hell of a looker. Nailed me in less than a week, and I'm supposed to be a pro at this.

Yeah. I suppose.

Good. Now put on some clothes.

Huh?

We gotta go drop off the ransom, remember?

After what she did to me? After what she did to you?

Look, it's not her fault she got kidnapped. On the other hand, we could go a long way with half a million dollars.

What do you mean?

Decent capital and a good face? no telling what kind of scams you can pull. Course, you wouldn't want to just abandon Lila like that.

Do you think they'd kill her if I didn't pay?

Who knows? Probably not.

We should probably get her back.

Yeah. You're probably right. Besides, money isn't everything.

Damn it, Hughes must have got wise. Put some clothes on. We' gotta get out of here.

Yes, Ma'am. For a donation of five thousand dollars, we will send you a special Crippled Orphan piggy bank.

Excuse me. Could you hold on a moment, Ma'am?

...on a tip from a potential victim. The police traced the address given by the phony charity to the house of Mr. and Mrs. Douglas and Elizabeth Linder. Mrs. Linder was led a away by police moments ago on twenty-seven separate counts of fraud. Mr. Linder was arrested last night on a charge of solicitation and is expected to be charged with conspiracy to commit fraud. Police suspicions were further aroused when the Linders opened a new bank account and purchased tickets to Rio de Janeiro this morning. Police are also investigating alleged ties to the Montana Militia, a connection which appears to have baffled Huntsville police detectives. The Linders had no comment.

Their child, Ralph, will be placed in state custody until further events warrant.

Ha! Serves you right for turning up the fucking TV! Right, you bastard?

Hello? Hello?

Fuck off.

What the hell are you doing there? What the fuck is going on here?

I'm getting old. Running from cops never used to tire me out.

You do this often?

Too often. This the place?

The note said I'm supposed to drop the cash down the storm drain here.

Seems like kind of a waste of money if you ask me.

How do you mean?

Half a million dollars is a hell of a lot of cash. You've heard the phrase it takes money to make money.

Yeah.

Works for con artists, too. You know what kind of cons we could set up with half a mil?

Good ones?

Damn good ones.

I really should get my wife back, though.

Yeah. I suppose.

She screwed you?

Like a sailor on shore leave. Look, kid. I'm not going to lie to you. I don't want you to give up the cash. You and me, kid, we make a good team. You're good at this stuff.

I'm not that good at it.

The hell you aren't! You think I could talk someone out of a half a million? People don't trust me. Look at me. You know what you see? A two-bit con-man drifter low-life. I'm lucky to talk someone out of a buck or two. But someone with a face like yours? The sky's the limit.

So what should I do?

What should you do or what do I think you should do?

What do you think I should do?

Forget Lila. She's a tease. You're better off without her. Women like her are a dime a dozen. Northern city trash. The kinda money we'll have, kid, you can buy fifty of them, and still have enough to buy up half the state of Alabama.

But she's my wife.

She was my wife too, remember. Kid, forget about her. You've got something real here. You have one hell of a future ahead of you. Admit it, you like it.

It is kind of fun.

It's fun because you're good at it. You ever been good at anything, kid?

Not really.

No. And now that you've found it, are you going to let it slip right through your fingers?

I'm not sure.

What the hell do you mean, you're not sure! Come on, kid. We've got half a million dollars in that bag, and you want to toss it in the gutter so you can rescue some second-rate tramp!

You do what you want, kid. I'm heading out of town. If you're so smart you'll do the same. This city's crawling with cops and it won't be long before Hughes gives them a good picture of who to be looking for.

Fine. Let's go.

What about the money?

We stole it. It's ours.

What about Lila?

She was bad to you?

Kid, bad doesn't begin to describe it.

Let's ride.

So, what do you know about this town?

About Arab? Not much. Small town. They've got a big Klan chapter.

How do you know that?

Word gets around.

Right. How's your steak?

Had better. It's mostly fat.

Let me see it.

What the...

Keep your voice down.

What the hell are you doing? I was going to eat that.

Don't worry. I'll get you another one.

Sir?

Do you work here?

Yes, sir.

Look at my friend's steak.

It appears to be burned, sir.

Hell, yes, it appears to be burned. The question is, what are you going to do about it?

Apologize.

Where the hell is your manager?

Of course, sir. We'd be glad to replace your friend's meal. For free.

Thank you, sir. You are a gentleman. Unlike others in this establishment.

Yes, sir. He will be dealt with appropriately. (to the waiter) Get this man a steak!

What the hell did you do that for?

Penny saved. Penny earned. All that.

We've got a half a million dollars, Flaherty. I think we can afford a steak.

Look, kid. It wasn't about a steak. You see how easy it was to work those two?

Yeah. So?

So, I'm willing to bet all the money I've got in this world that it's that easy to nail every single person in this town.

Impossible.

Look at these people, kid. I'd say not one in twenty has left the county. Probably at least half haven't left Arab in the past ten years. They'll believe anything we tell them.

You're full of shit.

Don't get defensive, Bubba. This could be a sure thing.

What could be a sure thing?

The job.

What job?

You set Wolfgang Puck loose in gourmet supermarket, are your really going to worry what he's going to do?

Look. I've got to find the bathroom. I'll deal with you and Mr. Puck later.

Deal with me? You've got this whole thing backwards. I've got it all under control. Just...

Damn stubborn kid.

Aren't you going to say hello?

I never said goodbye.

We need to talk.

Yup.

When?

Tonight, most likely.

Most likely? What the hell's that supposed to mean?

Never take anything for granted that's what its supposed to mean. Where you staying?

Day's Inn. Edge of town.

Good. Get going. The kid might not have noticed you, but I spotted you two towns back.

Nice place, huh?

Sure. Flaherty, why am I here?

You're here because you love this stuff. Right?

Sure. Is it really a good idea to stick around here? Shouldn't we leave the state or the country or something?

Nah. Hughes will probably hold off on calling the cops for a while. Won't want to admit he got conned. See, we've got at least a couple days to maneuver, so might as well take advantage of our location.

Look at these people, kid. Every single one of them is just begging to have their money taken. You know why?

No idea.

These people, they've got a lot of trust, but they don't know what to do with their trust. See, kid, trust is a two-way street. You trust the right people, you've got it made. You trust the wrong people, and you're liable to spend the rest of your days homeless in El Salvador. These people are perfect. We'd be fools to let this opportunity slip by!

Yeah. You're right.

Hell, yeah. You're in?

I'm in.

Good. Now get some sleep. I'm going to go do a little scouting.

You shouldn't just leave your door open. You never know...

What the hell are you up to? Why the fuck did you leave me back there? You're trying to get rid of me, aren't you? You fucking tired of me, Flaherty? Is that what it is?

Lila, I've got it all under control.

The hell you do! Last thing I saw you and the goober were running from the cops.

Look, things have changed. Let me explain the new setup.

Go right ahead.

Remember when I described the land scam deal to you?

Yeah, the one you said never to pull...

...'cause it's too dangerous, right. I got the kid to pull it.

What? Did it work?

Fuckin'-a, it worked. Half a mil.

Five hundred thousand?

Yup. Kid's got a good face.

Great. When do we lose him?

Lose him? Hey, he's got a good face. We could use a guy like that.

What? Look, when I met you you didn't even want a partner. Four months I spent before you'd even talk to me! Now you want to take in some fresh-faced little southern punk you've only known two days?

You never brought in five hundred grand.

The kid goes or I go.

That's a tough choice.

Fuck you.

I'm just kidding, hon. We'll be losing the kid real soon. But I need you to understand a few things. I'm not keeping you over the kid because you're better, because you're not. But you could be better. A hell of a lot better. You know what he's got that you don't?

Tell me.

Kid's got ears. He listens to what I tell him to do, and he does it. The kid's got patience. He didn't back out of the job before it was done. And he can act. That goober you were sleeping with wasn't the same man I saw talking to Hughes back there. You know what you got that he doesn't?

Fuck you.

I'm serious. You've got a look, and that's something the kid'll never have. But if you don't do anything with it, that's all you'll ever be.

Thanks for the flattery. I'm touched. Harrison. When does he go?

Tomorrow. The cops take him.

Another brilliant scheme?

Last one worked. You want in on this?

I just want him gone.

Fair enough. After tomorrow, we never see the kid again.

You should have dumped him back in Huntsville.

Lila, if I dropped the kid back there, the cops would have had him before he hit the ground. Even if I had let him drop the money down the drain, Hughes would have had him behind bars. Kid would've given our names and faces and we wouldn't have made it out of Madison County without a full-on Bonnie and Clyde. I figure, we get him out of town, string him along for a bit, then get him set up on some job where no one's seen either of us. By the cops get onto us, we're down in Gulf Shores living it up.

Why wouldn't they find us down there?

I've got friends. Just let me handle it.

So what do I do?

Sit back and wait. Watch some TV.. I'll stop by around noon.

How do I know you're not going to leave town again?

Don't know. Trust?

Ha.

Rise and shine. Got a big day ahead of us.

Don't you ever sleep?

Not if I can help it. Now, get out of bed. We're going shopping.

This your best model?

Yes, sir. 35" screen. Full Dolby sound. Top of the line. Couldn't do any better.

How much?

Eleven hundred. Plus tax.

Great. I'll take six of 'em.

What?

Six of 'em. Do I get 'em here or pick them up around back?

Around back, sir. Are you planning to pay for this by check, sir, because, if so, I'm going to have to...

Not necessary. Paying with cash, my friend.

Cash? This isn't anything illegal, is it, sir?

Perish the thought. I'm setting up an office in town. Need some TVs for the waiting room.

Right. An office. I'll just go write up the slips.

Perfect. Say, think we could pick up a dolly while we're here?

Ready?

Sure. But I still don't understand why we're doing this.

You don't need to. Let's go over your story again. Now, I'm the housewife. Make me believe.

OK. Hello, ma'am. I'm from the Pan Southern Electronic Company. We recently invested in a number of fine television sets, and have been forced to declare bankruptcy. As a result, we are forced to unload...

Don't be apologetic. You're giving them the deal of a lifetime.

Sorry. As a result, we are forced to offer you the deal of a lifetime. We are willing to sell you one of these beautiful television stets...

...for the bargain price of one hundred dollars. It would be a shame to pass on an offer like this, ma'am.

I don't know. How do I know it works and all?

Ma'am. As you can see, I've brought one of these fine sets with me, and I would be extremely happy to allow you to test it out in the comfort of your own home.

Really? You really are a good man, aren't you?

I've got to admit, it is a beautiful set.

It sure is. Ma'am, you're not going to get a better deal than this.

I suppose you're right. Is cash all right?

Cash is always all right.

Ma'am. There's one more thing I need to ask you.

How'd you make out?

Just fine. I sold seven thousand dollars worth of TV sets for six hundred bucks. Great way to make cash, boss.

Don't need to talk back, you know. You've been doing this for, what, two days?

I just don't see how throwing away money is going to help us out.

Salting the mines, kid.

What?

Salting the mines. Oldest trick in the book. Hundred years ago, the best con going was in mining. Plant a couple nuggets of gold in a mine. Dig em up, and convince everyone the shaft's full of gold. People will trample each other to death to get their hands on that deed.

What the hell does this have to do with TV sets?

You got the names and numbers of everyone you sold to, right?

Yup. Like you said, I told them we might be calling for references.

Perfect.

Are you going to tell me now what the hell we're doing?

Sure. Grab the phone book. There a map in there?

Sure is.

Good. Now fold it in half.

You're not going to tell me what's going on, are you?

In due time, friend. Now, pick one half of the town.

OK.

Perfect. Now, you're going to go door to door selling TVs in every single house in that half.

What TVs?

That's the beauty of it. Same story as before, only, rather than showing them the TV, we tell them to call a few satisfied customers.

Then let them call the people we sold the other sets to?

Exactly. Beauty, eh?

It's not going to work.

Like hell it's not. Friend of mine made a couple hundred grand pulling this out in Arkansas. Works like a charm. Like a charm, I tell you. Damn it, it's almost noon. We've got to get out there. We've only got five hours.

Five hours?

Before their husbands come home. Come on. I'll meet you back here at five.

Then we leave town?

We leave town.

Good.

What's the matter? I thought you liked Alabama.

Now I know better.

We recently invested in a small Korean electronics firm, and, due to the recent international capital crisis, we have been forced to declare bankruptcy on all of our derivatives. As a result...

Grab your stuff. Time to get going.

You're late.

A little. I'm surprised you didn't skip town.

Figured I could trust you for ten more minutes. You dump the kid?

Not yet. Only a phone call away. Better get going, though.

...for the bargain price of five hundred dollars, but... Do you watch Days of our Lives?

Why, yes! That's Jeanette's a real bitch, isn't it?

Ma'am, since I'd hate for you to miss a minute of Days in full Dolby stereo, I'm willing to let this go for only a hundred...

Yeah, there's some kid wandering around. He tried to sell my wife a TV set. It seemed kind of fishy. I thought you might be interested. Yup, I live over on the east side, by the tracks. No, thank you, officer. I'm just doing my duty as a good citizen. Yes, I think I can give you a description. Sure, I'll wait.

Ma'am, could I please use your phone? It's an emergency. I need to call the police.

Ma'am. Pardon me, but I must say you'd have to be some kind of fool to pass on this offer. One hundred dollars for this kind of entertainment complex is an offer you simply can't pass up. Just ask some of our other satisfied customers...

What the hell were you doing in there?

Just using the ladies room. Nothing interesting.

Good. Ready to get out of town?

I don't know.

You don't know? I thought you hated the South.

Still do. I'm just a little unsure about all this. Are you sure the cops will nab him?

Positive. Would it make you feel better to watch it go down?

Well, Thelma sure does seem happy with her TV. How much did you say you were asking?

One hundred dollars. And it has to be cash. For tax reasons.

You see, ma'am, a deal like this doesn't just turn up every day. It's times like this that you really need to look at what's important in your life and chase that dream. What are you staring at?

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you...

Nooooo.

God damn, those people look angry.

Sure do.

Wouldn't think losing a hundred bucks would piss them off that much.

Yeah. I didn't think it would.

Huh?

I called the cops and told them he had molested my daughter.

Oooooh.

Yeah. Then I called the minister over at First Baptist.

Oooooh.

And the head of the PTA.

Oooooh. (pause) You really don't like him, do you?

Nope. Come on, let's get out of here.

So what do you think of getting away from the office, eh, boss?

Sure hate that grind, yes I do.

We did good back there, didn't we?

Boise?

The past is the past,. I'm talking about Lauderdale!

You're right on that one, doll. There was a day where I would've said that those fraternity boys had some limits on what they'd do to get laid during spring break, but now...

Can't sneeze at 20,000 dollars, Flaherty.

No, Ma'am. How you pulled that switch so quick, I'll never know.

Getting good, aren't I?

You're improving.

Whatever. Can we head back to the room early, I'd like to make some phone calls?

You're on vacation. Relax and enjoy.

I would, but ... C'mon, Flare, Social Security arrived today!

Lila. You've been doing a nice job. I'm very impressed. But you keep working the same scam for too long, something's gonna give. You get sloppy. For a while there, I thought we'd never get the cigarette boat.

There was never any doubt of us getting the boat!

It's all right to be thinking that way during the job. Hell, you don't think that way, we're both in trouble. But now we've got to slow down and take a look at our operation. Think how we might be able to improve the act.

I am who I am, Flaherty. I can't ever change that.

Lila. Flaherty. Long time no see. Now, I suspect you are a little surprised at my arrival, and, truth be told, I'm more than a little surprised myself. You know what really surprises me, Flaherty, is seeing you living the good life up here. You know, when those cops grabbed me, I was convinced they'd be throwing you in the next day. But then I saw you two waving at me... Don't get me wrong, I sure was glad to see you again, Lila. It did throw me at first, though. I needed to do a little thinking. But, hey, I've had a lot of time to think lately. Hell, it's only been eight months since I've seen you two guys, but it's been a long eight months. You want to hear about it?

Sure you do. See, I'd never really been to prison before, and, let me tell you, it wasn't as much fun as I'd been expecting. You see, they tell you all these stories about what they do to child molesters in prison, but you never really believe it until you've been there for yourself. (laughs) I must say, that whole child molestation thing really did make things pretty rough for me the first few days, but the doctors did said most of it would heal. I don't know. Here, listen to this.

Things did calm down after a while after they moved me out of general and shacked me up with a real quality human being. Polmeron was his name. Gonzalo Polmeron. 360 pounds and not a hair on his body. It wasn't that he shaved, mind you. It was just that he didn't have a hair on his body. Never quite understood it. And trust me; I checked. But this Gonzalo, he was crazy. Killed his own mother. Said she couldn't make a decent bowl of mole. So he killed her. Can you believe it? Killed his own mother over a bowl of mole. I mean, I hate mole, doesn't matter to me.

Mmmm, that's good. Closest we got in the joint were fried fish sticks. Now Gonzalo, he would never so much as touch lobster, something about the bible. But this guy Gonzalo, what makes him so fascinating was ... here he was, about to be arraigned for killing his mother, and we get to talking. We had a lot in common actually. So we're talking about women, sports, you know, the usual, and he just comes out with this crazy story that ...

Let's see, what are you two drinking? Mai Tais? Fine. Three Mai Tais, please. You know, I seem to have misplaced my wallet. Flaherty, do you mind?

Here, let me. You seem a little jumpy.

Same old wallet, eh Flaherty? Good to see you've held on to it.

So, where was I? Right, in the cell. Anyway, he was telling me about this thing he'd done. You remember those headlines about a year ago? Some guy breaking into dorm rooms over in Auburn and beating them co-eds to death with chairs? Now that stuff was just strange. And what happened to the bodies afterwards... I can see you don't want to talk about this. So he just, boom, outs with this, that he did it. And I'm pretty shocked. I mean, these murders were unsolved, the police had no clues whatsoever. They said it had been the perfect crime. No evidence, no apparent motive, no witnesses, the police had all but given up. But Gonzalo was pretty worried. He'd been nabbed on that whole mother-killing thing. You remember, the mole? So, he was a little nervous about being in prison again. Worried that the cops would get wise to his past. I was pretty flattered that he had let me in on his little secret. We got along great. I mean, I was a little startled at first. Actually, I didn't think he'd done really it. But he knew all about the murders. Dates, places, weapons, all that. He talked about it so much, I got to know them myself. We settled into a groove. He'd tell me about the murder, I'd tell him a bit about what had gotten me thrown in the slammer. Talked about my last day on the outside and I'm pretty sure we put all the pieces together. I never did understand why you were so willing to help me out, Flaherty, but I guess, given the situation Lila put you in, you did the best you could. Hell, you guys did a fine job setting me up for a while. The lawyer they gave me pretty much told me I'd be spending at least seventy years in prison, given the number of fraud counts they had lined up. Those prosecutors had one hell of a case. Got almost seventy-six housewives lined up to testify. But, you know, Flaherty, if there's one thing you've taught me, if you're on thin ice, you might as well dance. When you get right down to it, no one respects a fraud, and I figured that, if I was going to spend 70 years inside, might as well go in with a bit of a reputation, right? So, there I was in court, about to be charged with seventy-six counts of fraud. I mean, you'd be nervous. Hell, I was nervous, I started confessing to all sorts of things. And I've never even been to Auburn! Can you believe it? No one bought it at first, but they had to. I knew all the places, the dates. I even remembered what they were wearing. What a feeling! I mean, to go into a court of law on trumped up charges of fraud, and I walk out a convicted serial killer. Three 99-year sentences, plus life in prison. You know, best thing about prison is that it gives you time to think. And I did a lot of thinking. Mostly about what I'd do if I ever got out. Sure, at first I was angry. Fantasized about killing both of you. Then I realized, hey, where's the sport in that? You two are con artists, right? But, I still had that little voice telling me to get back at you, Flaherty, and, after a while, it came up with one hell of a way to do it. First off, I realized I had to find myself a prison guard with a few skeletons in the closet. Started off as just guesswork, but eventually it paid off.

So, fucking the warden's wife?

So, fucking the warden's wife?

So, fucking the warden's wife?

So, fucking the warden's wife?

So, once that paid off, I talked him into looking the other way while I jimmied the lock on the door to the Records Department and slid in.

Like I said, I'd been making friends. Gonzalo introduced me around. I met Paco, Jose, Marcial, El Chino, and, of course, Little Baby Jaime Smooth. That Jaime, he was a cut-up. Let me tell you about him sometime. So, I had friends. And my friends had friends. Friends on the outside. You should have seen the look on the guard's face when the bombs went off on the west wall. Immediate lock down, except for those of us who happened to be out on grounds duty. You know, picking up trash on the exercise cells. Next thing I knew, I was on the outside again. Put out some feelers and heard that you two were living large down on the coast and figured I should pay you two a visit.

The problem is, I don't think I can dodge the cops for long. I mean, just ten minutes they got an anonymous tip that I was hiding out in this very hotel. I don't think its safe for me at all. I gotta go.

Tyler Harrison. You are under arrest.

What? Fuck no, I'm not Harrison! Do I look like Harrison? What the hell is going on here?

Of course not. That's why you have his wallet.

What? God damn it! Look, you got the wrong guy. Hey, stop that!

Fuzzy little shitheads! God damn animals! Rat bastard toad suckers! Son of a bitch redneck dildos!

God damn it. God damn it!

Who is it?

Police. We'd like to have a word with you.

Good. You're packing. We don't have very long. I figure the cops will catch on in a couple hours, and Flaherty should be able to give them a pretty good idea....

Get out!

Excuse me?

Out! Get out of here. Leave me alone. That money's not getting you anywhere, Harrison. That's Flaherty's money.

Lila. Flaherty's in jail for a little while. He's not getting out until they put both of us in. We're taking this money and leaving.

You're here to torture me. You want to ruin my life the way I ruined yours.

Lila! Do you really think I would do that?

After what I did to you? Sure. Who wouldn't?

Well, I must say I was pretty mad for a while, but I'm all over that. You just did what you had to do. That Flaherty can be a real convincing character. He even had me going for a little while. I'm sure that he threatened you into going along with him. I know that deep down inside you still love me, Lila. Come here. Lila, I know that your love for me was real. I know you couldn't, you just couldn't have faked that. Right, Lila? Look into my eyes and tell me that you don't love me.

Perfect. Let's get going.

I'm not going back to Huntsville.

No. You're going to El Salvador.

What? What is it?

I want you to look very, very slowly over this leaf and tell me what you see.

Nothing. Just the concierge talking to some guy.

Some guy? That guy has been following me since Birmingham. He's got to be a cop. I don't know how he got on to me, but he must have figured it out. Damn it, I thought I lost him back in Foley. Honey, you're going to have to help me out or we're never going to get out of here.

What do you want me to do?

No, business has been pretty steady down here. I'm simply amazed at... May I help you, ma'am?

Yes, I need to find a nice place for dinner. I was wondering if you could help me?

Why, of course. Might I suggest Claude's? It's within walking distance and right on the beach. Lovely French cuisine with just a hint of Cajun...

That would be lovely. I was wondering if I might be able to find some companionship as well.

I do believe I can help you out with that. I do not have any plans for the evening. Until now, that is...

If you'll excuse me, I have to go visit the ladies room. Be back in a moment.

You are not going to get caught. Everything will be okay.

Nice car.

Look, do you have any idea how conspicuous it is to drive a Mercedes to El Salvador?

El Salvador.

Yeah, I've heard wonderful things about it. It means 'the savior' in Spanish. Sound great, huh? Besides, I've got some friends down there.

What friends?

Oh, Gonzalo, Marcial, Paco, El Chino, and, of course, Little Baby Jaime Smooth. The whole gang. They helped me get out. They'll be able to take care of us. All we have to do is get there.

All right, honey. The border should be a couple miles up ahead. Hopefully, they haven't gotten too wise to the scam yet, but odds are good Flaherty might have squealed on me. When was the last time you were photographed?

I don't know. I...I...

Think, honey. It's important.

A couple years back, I think. For my driver's license.

Your license? Perfect. The picture doesn't look like you, does it?

Not at all.

Good. If they have a picture of you, odds are it's that one. There's no way they're going to recognize you, but the two of us driving through together? Dead giveaway. They'd stop us in a second. Pull over. I'm going to get into the trunk.

All right, they're not going to ask for your passport, so we should be all right. Just don't speak any English.

What? Why not?

Because then they'd know you're an American.

But I am an American.

Damn it, Lila. What could be more suspicious than an American fleeing the States in a yellow Nissan Sentra? No, no, no. You're Argentinean.

But I don't know any Spanish.

That's ok. You only have to know a few phrases. When you drive up, all you have to say is 'hola.' It means hello.

Hola. All right, what else?

Then he'll ask you your citizenship. Just say, 'Soy Argentina.'

What? I can't remember all that.

Right. I'll write it out for you. After that, he should just wave you through. Of course, he might say, 'Siga no mas.' It means, 'continue no more.' If he says that, it means the car is about to be searched, and we need to get the hell out of there. Just floor it, and we should be able to give them the slip.

What if he says something I don't understand?

Just wink at him. You're an attractive lady. You should be able to get away with it.

Don't let me out until we're a couple miles past the border. And darling, just this one last thing. If they nab you, don't tell them I'm in the trunk. I'd rather starve to death in the back of a Nissan than spend the rest of my life in a Mexican prison. (BEAT) You'll do just fine.

Siga no mas.

Hello.

Hello.

What is your citizenship?

I'm Argentinean.

Ah, I have an aunt in Argentina. She has lived in Córdoba for the past sixty-two years. She only has one eye.

Go on.

Siga no mas.

Argentineans...

Do you see them anywhere? I don't see them following us, but you never know... I mean, the way he said "Siga no mas" made me think that he was ready for the cavity search right there!

That's right, Darling, you never know. Makes me think of something that Gonzalo once said to me ...

Jesus, duck!

I'm sorry about that, honey. I didn't want to tell you about this earlier. I was scared you'd be nervous enough with just the cops chasing us, but I have reason to believe the Mexican Mafia is after me.

The Mexican Mafia?

Well, not the whole Mafia, just their top hit man. Fellow calls himself El Tigre, the tiger. Probably the best tracker south of the border. Amazing network of spies down here. Been known to use spies as young as six years old. You remember reading about that assassination a couple years back?

Lila? The assassination? You heard about it, right?

Yeah.

El Tigre. I think he's after me.

You're kidding. Why would the Mexican Mafia send a hit man after you?

I told you about my friends Gonzalo, Paco, El Chino, Marcial, and Little Baby Jaime Smooth, right?

Yeah?

See, they're all tied in with the Morazon cartel. You've heard of them?

No.

They've been trying to muscle in on the Mexicans' cocaine smuggling. I told you about the fight in prison, right?

No.

Oh. Well, Gonzalo got into trouble with some of the Mexicans in the jail. Little gang led by this fellow named Rodriguez. I owed Gonzalo a thing or two, so drove a chunk of metal through Rodriguez's back.

You killed him?

I had to, honey. Things work that way inside. But it did get me in real tight with Gonzalo and his friends, but it turns out that Rodriguez's father is one of the heads of operation down here. Little Baby Jaime Smooth told me to watch out for...

Why the hell am I still with you? Look, why don't you just give me half the money...

Why are you with me? Because you're my wife, Lila. I just can't stand to lose you again. Look, I just know I can get us to El Salvador. Just do what I tell you and everything is going to be okay. Let's get going.

You know, while I was in prison, I had a lot of spare time. You'd be amazed at the libraries they have in prisons nowadays. Not much variety, granted. Lot of books on law, so I did some reading. Did you know that current extradition treaties permit...no, require the use of force on the part of local gendarmes to return fleeing suspects to their home country for trial?. Pretty amazing, really, when you consider the potential threat to domestic hegemony...

Stop.

Sorry. Just trying to lighten up the drive with a little conversation. See, the fascinating thing about extradition law is its capacity for local interpretation. Now take France. Well, maybe not France. Take Canada. Its buttocks are so tight that they report Americans with speeding tickets back to the States. But in El Salvador, it's a world of difference. See, El Salvador, they've been screwed over by the States so long that they're thrilled to harbor some of its petty enemies. They'd probably even award us visas to go back and spit on the capital. Or so Little Baby Jaime Smooth tells me.

Little Baby Jaime Smooth?

Right. I already told you about him back there. Weren't you paying attention? Short Salvadorian. Amazing guy. After I got this tattoo...

...we were inseparable. So what Jaime was saying was that we just need to get into El Salvador. Once we're there we just have to hook up with his friends, and (SNAPS FINGERS) we've disappeared! Great, Huh?

Great.

Look, do you want me to drive for a while?

God, yes!

You should have asked sooner. Hey, there's a restaurant up ahead. You want to stop and get something? We haven't eaten since... Well, hell, I guess we haven't stopped for food yet.

Good evening, sir. How are you doing?

Are you going to talk or are you going to eat?

Now, I want to talk for a minute. You see, my wife, here, she eats very quickly. I eat very slowly. Are you listening? This is important. If you bring our food at the same time, she will finish eating before I have even picked up my fork. So, I would like you to bring my food about ten minutes before you bring hers, okay?

It is not a problem.

Good. Now, I would like some cow stomach and fried blood.

What would you like, honey?

I don't know. Just an enchilada, a burrito.

Make that two cow stomachs and blood. Smile at her. Thank you.

Wait. What is that? Which of it is mine?

This? This is estomago y sangre fritado. It's one of my favorites. I ordered the special platter for you. I guess it isn't out yet. Don't suppose you mind if I get started. I'm damn hungry.

Harrison, why are you doing this?

Because I'm hungry.

No, I mean why have you helped me escape when you threw Flaherty in prison? Why didn't you do the same to me?

We said our vows, Lila. That's just not something you can walk away from. Every night that I lay there in my cell, every night I stared at the ceiling thinking about how I wanted to hurt Flaherty. How I wanted to humiliate him like he had humiliated me. The president of the PTA? You can understand how I felt. And then I would think about you, honey. What horrible things he must have done to you to make you go along with him.

They were horrible, Harrison.

He said he would hurt you, didn't he?

Still not here? Strange. Maybe I should have a word with the waiter. Wait. Here it comes.

Shit! They found us!

What? Who?

No time for questions. We've got to get out of here!

What is it?

I've been thinking. That must have been one of El Tigre's men. The waiter must have tipped him off. I should have known by the way he treated me.

Are we safe now?

Yes. The coast is clear. I'm really sorry about that, Lila. We'll get you food later on. I'm only doing this because I love you, honey.

All right, Harrison. Whatever you say, Harrison.

This doesn't look like a very safe place.

Don't worry about it. We'll be fine.

Is that Debbie Gibson?

Sure looks like it. Come on, let's go get a drink.

Why aren't we driving?

I told you, honey. Police usually crack down on drivers once it gets dark. We head out there in a car with foreign plates, we'll be pulled over in seconds. Besides driving is exactly what El Tigre is expecting us to do. We lay low for a while, it should throw him off the track entirely. And you were looking kind of tired. Figured you could use the rest.

Couldn't we go someplace, you know, quieter? It's loud. I've got a headache. What's wrong with that place up the road?

What? And miss this band? These guys are fantastic. Besides, I think we can use them.

What do you mean?

There is nothing more suspicious than a couple gringos with a lot of money driving around Mexico. If we want to stop anywhere, we're going to need a cover story.

Like what?

Trust me.

How did we sound?

You're even better than I had heard.

You've heard of us?

Sure. Who hasn't heard of...

Los Chicletos? I came all the way down from LA to see you guys.

LA? Los Angeles?

Yup. See, we work for WEA.

What?

Warner Entertainment Alliance. The music company.

Really?

Sure! We're down here scouting out new acts to use as studio musicians on Debbie Gibson's next album. She's getting back to her roots.

Debbie Gibson! I love Debbie Gibson.

Debbie's the only white singer with a voice!

Yeah, but she's not white.

She's not?

She's Latina. Her real name is Juanita Consuelo Elena Concepcion Jimenez. You ever hear her first album?

The one with "Out of the Blue" on it?

No. Before that. "Cuero Blanco, Alma Morena." A classic. See, the studios have buried that one. Didn't think they could sell that to the suburbs. Didn't want to scare all those white kids! You've seen white kids, right?

But you said its a good album.

Come on, Jorge. We both know what's really important in this business!

Yup, the studios are betting that a Latin album from Debbie will go through the roof. Selena was so successful, they think this should put Debbie back on top. Just listen to this.

Acostumbrado a negar el pasado,

It's beautiful, isn't it?

And so true.

But, she needs some authentic backup band for the recording sessions. Who knows, maybe even for the tour.

The tour?

Yeah, the Shake Your Roots tour. Worldwide. Man, I'd love to be a part of that. Great hotels. Instant fame. It'd be wonderful. (pause) Well, we'd better be going. Let me give you my card, and you can send me a tape.

Why does your card say "Sewage Maintenance?"

Let me put it this way. If you were working for the biggest record label in the world, would you want everyone you meet to know who you are?

Well, I guess we're off. Good meeting you, Jorge. We've got to get back out on the road. Big meeting tomorrow.

Don't be silly. Where are you staying?

In that hotel down the road.

You're staying with my mother?

Short woman? Black hair? Smiles a lot?

You are staying with her! Listen, she's crazy. Come stay at our place. My brothers and I are going to do a late session tonight after the show here. You'll really get a feel for the sound.

No. I couldn't do that.

Sure you could. Then you can have another chance to listen to us.

Oh, all right. You talked me into it.

Great. Let me go round up the boys, and we'll head over.

What? What's going on?

We're staying with the band tonight.

What? With...them?

Of course!

Why don't we just sleep in the gutter?

You don't have fun a lot, do you Lila?

No, Harrison, I don't have fun a lot. I spend half my time running from El fucking Tigre and the other half trying to figure out what the fuck you're talking about. Are you going to tell me that you're enjoying this?

These are my brothers, Ramon, Garcia, Fredrico, Phillipe, Pablo...

Where are you going?

Just asking them to get us up early tomorrow. We've still got a lot of driving ahead of us.

Could you ask them to quiet down a bit too?

Lila, honey, this is their house. You don't understand these musicians. We start ordering them around, they might get mad. Heck, they might even try to kill us.

Oh. Why is all this necessary? Can't we just leave now? Why do we have to shack up with a fucking salsa band?

It's a Banda group, honey. There's a world of difference. No tuba in Salsa.

Ramon, right?

Yes.

Is that gun in your belt loaded?

In this town, a man who wears an unloaded gun is either a fool or a hero.

Words to live by. Look, I need you to do me a favor. My wife and I are pretty heavy sleepers and we really need to get going soon. After you guys are finished practicing, could you just go outside our window and start firing?

I have an alarm clock, I'm sure that would be enough.

No, we've got a nine o clock meeting with both Debbie and...

Juanita Consuelo Elena Concepcion Jimenez?

One and the same.

I'll be there, brother. Sleep well.

Something the matter, honey?

Harrison.

That's what they call me.

I'm lost, Harrison. I don't understand anything here. I don't understand what people are saying. I don't understand what to do. And yet, you just blow down here, smooth talk everyone, and eat fried stomach.

Fried blood, honey.

Whatever! What the fuck am I doing here? Why didn't I just stay in the States? How am I ever going to fit in? I can't hide out forever! Can't I just leave now?

Who are you, Lila? What is your name? What is your identity? It's whatever you want it to be. This is your life. You can't speak Spanish, no problem. Maybe you're my mute girlfriend. Maybe you just don't like to talk. It's up to you. I learned this stuff from Flaherty. That land deal. I almost shit my pants. You have to be able to be anything. To adapt. If a scam calls for you to be a toothless bum proselytizing on the street, then Hallelujah and pass me a bible. You and Harrison, you've worked together a while. Who do you play in the scams?

The other woman. A vamp, I guess. I like it. It's me.

That's the problem. To be a confidence artist, you gotta have confidence. You've got like what you don't! If you can have confidence being someone you hate, then nothing can shake you. Ever. That's how I got through prison. I was so many people that I enjoyed every single second. Everything. Okay. I'm going to sleep.

Just like that? Isn't the music going to keep you up?

Nah. I picked up some meditation in prison. I can conk off at the drop of a hat.

That's a good trick.

Better trick is learning to do it while the guards are raping you.

Oh, thank God!

Don't be worried. Some crazy gringo just wants me to wake him up. Nothing to worry about. Go back to sleep.

Who is it? The police?

Worse.

Worse? Who the hell is it?

Quiet. We're going to have to sprint for the car.

Are you kidding? They're shooting at us!

I know, honey, but we don't have any other choice. These people won't take us alive. Damn it, I shouldn't have gotten you into this.

It's all right, Harrison. It's our only way out. El Salvador, remember?

Yeah. El Salvador. Now remember, don't run in a straight line.

Why not? Won't that get us there faster?

Sure, but it makes you an easier target. Zig-zag's the way to go. Come on. Count of three.

Okay.

I love you, honey. One. Two. Three.

That was a little too close. I'm sorry I dragged you into this, honey.

Who was that shooting at us? It looked like one of the guys from the band.

What? Hell, no. That was El Tigre, himself. Damn it! I thought we had lost him. Did you get a good look at him?

I think so.

Well, keep an eye out for him.

He'll kill us, won't he?

Sure enough. We're going to have to try to give him the slip. I just don't know how we're going to do it.

We could get a new car. You could just steal...

Steal? You think the police are after us now, you should see what happens if we start stealing cars in this country.

We could buy one.

Jesus, darling! What could be more conspicuous than two gringos buying a car in Mexico with American dollars? No, we're going to need some Mexican currency.

Fine. You're right, Harrison. You're always right. But why don't we just change our dollars for some pesos? What's wrong with that?!

Jesus, darling! That's about the only thing that could be more conspicuous than flashing dollars! Two gringos changing a couple hundred dollars? You don't think that will get noticed?

What? What are we doing?

I think I've got it.

What is this? Why is she giving this to me?

She's selling candy. You like it, you give her some money when she comes around again. You don't, she takes it back.

Why all the trouble? Why can't I just go to her and buy the candy? It all just seems kind of...inconvenient.

Does it inconvenience you to see other people's reality? That's what I love about Mexico. It has absolutely no illusions.

And neither do the people who live here.

Lila, if you want to work with people who aren't like you, you're going to have to learn to understand their way of life.

Some of these people are hucksters. Some aren't. Doesn't really matter to these people. They're just glad they're not the ones up there.

Hello, my name is Soledad Roman. I have no family. I suffer from muscular and nerve attacks. This is the letter from my doctor. I cannot afford my medicine. This is the letter from my doctor. If I do not buy more medicine, I will suffer from more attacks. I suffer from attacks.

God bless you.

God will repay you.

Could you ever see this happening in Detroit? It's incredible how ...

That's wonderful, Harrison. Really fucking beautiful. The human condition, all that. Now, what's your plan?

No. No. No.

Hello, there, little boy. I need to get some pesos. Do you know where I could go?

Uhh.. No espeaka the englitch.

Dollars!

Pesos! I want!

Oh! Okay! Moment!

My name is Lila. My parents have left me. They never loved me. I have no family.

Edgardo, this man speaks no Spanish. I think he needs to change some pesos. You should be able to get a lot from him. He doesn't speak any Spanish.

The boy tells me that you need to exchange some dollars for pesos. I will give you a very good rate, better than you will get in the bank.

Really? What is the rate at the bank?

Thanks, kid. I'll see that you get your cut.

My child is sick. She has no legs. Or arms. My parents thought she was ugly, so they threw me out of the house. I now live in the street. With the rats. And I have recently found Jesus.

It is a good thing you came here sir. I will give you a very good exchange rate.

How much is it?

I'll be reasonable. Three pesos for a dollar.

That seems fair.

How much will you need? Fifty dollars? One hundred dollars?

No ... About three thousand, I think. Will that be a problem?

But Jesus could not save me from my horrible accident. I had severe brain damage. That is why I can no longer speak Spanish. My parents have left me. They say that I am stupid. Please help me. My child has no nose.

No, no, no. That won't be a problem at all. Why don't we step behind this tree here?

Sure! Do you know how lucky I was to find you? I couldn't find anywhere to get some pesos, and then I ran into that boy! I was almost willing to just start handing out twenties on the street for a few coins!

Ah yes. Very funny. Now, where's the money?

The money! Of course.

Let's see, twenty, forty, sixty ... Jesus, we'll be here all day if I do this in small bills. Hang on. One hundred, two hundred ... Okay, how many pesos do I get for a thousand dollars?

Let's see ...

And now the police say that they will take my baby away. They say that I am not a good mother. You must help me.

You know, I'm going to need a stack of twenties. For tips, you see. Why don't you give me fifteen hundred in twenties? Thanks. Great town you've got here. I finally talked the wife into paying a visit.

Thank you. Thank you.

Heck, this is just silly. Why not just take that stack of twenties and those hundreds and just give me back the thirty hundreds I started with.

You know, I forgot all about this pocket. Do you think I could change this in twenties?

I..I think I got enough for a car.

That? No, that's nearly worthless.

It might be enough for a couple cups of coffee, but that's it. We'll just have to keep on driving.

What about El Tigre?

If we keep moving fast enough, we should be able to make it to Guatemala. El Tigre won't want to piss off the Guatemalan mob. As long as we stay in public places, he probably won't open fire.

So we'll be safe once we get to Guatemala?

No. See, the Mexican Mob's real tight with the police down there. Whole crime syndicate struggle thing, see?

Oh.

I don't want to go to prison, Lila.

Neither do I.

I've heard stories about what they do to you down here. You remember Little Baby Jaime Smooth? He spent some time in a Mexican jail. You wouldn't believe what they put him through. Cattle prods are a way of life for these people. You familiar with bouncy-bouncy?

What?

Bouncy-bouncy. Torture method devised by the Chinese. Most people go mad after a few hours of it. First, they ...

Wait. Why would they torture us? Why wouldn't they just send us home?

You just don't understand these people, Lila. They like to see pain. They like to hurt people.

Are we going to make it?

You trust me, don't you, honey?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Good. Because thing are going to be getting tricky soon.

What? Why?

We're coming up on the Guatemalan border.

What does that mean?

Well, there are two possibilities, so it really depends.

On what?

On who controls the border today. See, Guatemala's been in a civil war for the past seven years. So, if the Nationals are controlling this border stop, we're home free. Might cost us a bit, but they'll let us through. The Communists? They're the real bastards. Them sons-of-bitches love rules. Won't let anyone in or out.

So what do we do?

We ought to be able to see as soon as we get over this hill. If it's Communists, you get off the road. The forest isn't too thick here. You shouldn't have any problems.

Are you kidding? You want me to drive through the fucking forest? You want me to drive through the fucking forest?

We don't have any choice. We're only a step of El Tigre and two steps ahead of the Mexican police. We slow down for a minute, and we're looking at prison or death. We don't have time to wait. So, you are going to drive through the forest if necessary, okay?

Okay.

Communists.

You're doing fine. Just don't hit the trees.

Why are you doing this to me?

I'm just trying to keep us safe.

I understand.

Damn it!

What? What now??

Guerrillas!

Guerrillas?

Damn Communists! Get down. Get down!

How the hell can I drive if I can't sit up?

Do you want to be shot? Get down!

All right. I think we're safe now.

Which...which way is the road?

West, I think. Just follow the sun.

Shouldn't we keep driving?

Look, if we drive all night we could make it to El Salvador before sunrise, but we could never drive all night.

Why not?

I've got five reasons why not. (counting on fingers) The FBI. The Guatemalan Communists. The Guatemalen Nationals. The Mexican Nationals. And E-L fucking Tigre.

Am I going to die now?

Don't be silly. We're getting us some disguises. Should buy us the maneuvering room we need.

Got everything?

I think so.

Hats? Glasses? Binoculars?

Everything.

Good.

What is it?

No Mexican currency, remember?

What are we going to do?

Let me think.

I could just run out of here.

No. They'd have the cops on us in a second. We'd never make it out of town. No, I think I have it.

What are you writing?

That's not important. What is important is that you believe every word of it!

How the hell do I believe it if I don't know what it says?

Look. Just be frantic. Be concerned. You'll do fine.

Mister. I need your help. There is a bleeding man out in the parking lot. Come look.

That's horrible. Does he need a doctor, do you think?

Well, I had better call an ambulance anyway.

No. Please. Don't call the police. I can't go to prison. No cattle prods. No bouncy bouncy.

No Bouncy Bouncy!!!

I'm sure your friend will be fine.

It's not my fault. It's Flaherty's fault. It's Harrison's fault. They'll beat me. Don't let them beat me Please.

You have nothing to worry about. Everything will be all right.

Don't call them. I'm almost done. No more El Tigre. No more extradition. No more running. I just want to go back to Ohio. Please. Don't call.

Where is he? Where is the bleeding man?

How much further is it?

To El Salvador? About an hour.

We'll be safe once we get there, right?

Don't worry about it. My friends can take care of us.

Harrison, what's going to happen to us?

Don't know, really. I don't really see you settling down. Raising a family. You don't really strike me as that kind of woman. But, that's all I really want, Lila. Just a nice quiet life.

In El Salvador?

El Salvador. Alabama. Doesn't really matter. Lila, do you have any idea what my life was like before you and Flaherty showed up?

No idea.

It was horrible. I didn't go anywhere. I didn't do anything. I just didn't enjoy my self. Every day, I'd get up and want to just go right back to bed. I hated Alabama. I just wanted to leave. To get out. To start a new life. I always thought that that would be enough for me. But it wasn't Alabama, Lila. It was me. I was a boring person. Do you realize I spent seven years working at the Piggly Wiggly. It was my first job, and if you two hadn't shown up, it would have been my last.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about life, Lila. You either spend it thinking about how things could be different, or you take the steps to make them different.

Why does everything have to be different? I like my life. My name is Lila Greene. I'm from Cincinnati. Ohio. This isn't Ohio, Harrison.

Of course it's not, and that's what makes it great.

For you. But I'm not so sure I wanted to leave that life behind. I trusted you to get me away from the police. And you did. And I'm grateful, Harrison, really I am. But I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do now. I'm not going to be alone.

Lila, darling, we're almost there. Once we get across this border, everything's going to be fine. It'll just be you, me, and Little Baby Jaime Smooth.

What does it look like?

Some sort of roadblock. It looks like they're checking cars.

Should we try to bribe our way through?

No. It might get my friends in trouble.

Drive through the woods?

Can't. Undergrowth is too thick.

What are we going to do?

Same as the Mexican border. I'll get in the trunk. You just pull through.

Do I have to speak Spanish again?

No. No, we'd probably better not try that again. But they probably have a good picture of you by now.

What do I do?

Lila, how are you feeling?

All right.

This is going to be pretty drastic, Lila. Are you sure that you want to go through with this?

Do we have any options?

We could die.

What do you want me to do?

We need to shave your head.

Yes. We need to shave my head. Of course.

All right. I'm getting into the trunk. Just stay calm and tell them you are a religious pilgrim. They'll let you through.

Why are you taking the money?

We don't want them to find it if they search the car.

Oh.

Hello...

I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish.

Oh. Why are you in El Salvador?

I'm a religious pilgrim.

Oh. Please pull up ahead so that we can search your car.

Hey! Over here! I got one.

What are you smiling about, asshole?

Brother, I've got it all. Money, hair, and freedom.

Pendejo. Tienes cambio?