Nice Work If You Can Get It at Chucklehound.com

Padgett Arango

BLACK SCREEN

Credits crawl across a black screen.

Sound of an alarm clock can be heard.

CARLISLE

Oh, bother.

Sounds of a hand thumping about, finally connecting with the clock and turning it off.

Sounds of someone staggering out of bed and towards the bathroom. Shower turns on. Carlisle begins to sing something pleasant - "Peach Picking Time in Georgia" or something. He's not a great singer, but has lots of volume and confidence. Shower shuts off. Carlisle shudders audibly and hums as he towels himself off. Closet doors open. Drawers open and shut. Carlisle continues to hum and sing alternately.

Credits finish rolling.

FADE UP

INT CARLSISLE'S APARTMENT - MORNING

Carlisle, a man in his late twenties, is standing before a mirror, putting the finishing touches on his tie, which is, by the way, an extraordinarily garish horse-and-field themed tie. He is fairly good looking, though has some of the characteristic signs of inbreeding - weak chin, long nose, etc. With the exception of the tie, he is rather well-dressed, mostly in Brooks Brothers clothing. He finished with the tie, then starts to pull out a jacket. He holds it against himself, then pulls out a V-neck sweater. Carlisle looks at both, starts to put on the jacket, then settles on the sweater. He looks at himself quizzically in the mirror, then walks over to the window. He throws it open, looks up at the sky, squints, then closes the window, removes the sweater and slips on the jacket. He is headed out the door of his apartment when the telephone rings. He looks at it for a moment, then goes and answers it.

CARLISLE

Good morning. Harrison-Phelps residence.

Screen spits in half, Carlisle's Apartment on one, on the other

INT STUDY - DAY

MASON PHELPS, a sturdy, moustached gentleman in his fifties or so, is seated in his study. He is speaking on the telephone.

MASON

Carlisle. Good, you're awake.

CARLISLE

Indeed I am!

MASON

I expected you'd still be asleep. You do remember our lunch meeting, don't you?

CARLISLE

Of course. Noon at your club.

MASON

Right. I'm leaving now. I'll see you shortly, eh?

CARLISLE

Your trust is not misplaced, sir. If ever there were a man for whom punctuality is, withot a doubt, a virtue, you are speaking to him. The other day, in fact, my old friend Pecky... You remember Pecky, don't you?

Mason looks at the telephone disbellievingly, then hangs up. His side of the screen retracts.

CARLISLE

Well, Pecky said to me... Hello? Uncle?

Carlisle shrugs and returns the phone to its hanger. He strides out the door.

INT LOBBY - DAY

Carlisle strides over the WILLINGHAM, the building supervisor.

CARLISLE

Willingham! I was wondering if you could take a look at the telephone in my apartment. It cut out in the middle of a conversation this morning. It may be broken.

Carlisle continues out into the street.

EXT STREET - DAY

Carlisle is walking down the street, humming to himself, when he passes by a men's clothing store window. He casually eyes the display and seems intent on walking past when he does a splendid double-take. He presses his face against the glass and spots a handkerchief composed of the same print as his tie. Carlisle grabs his tie, holds it against the glass to confirm that the two are truly identical, then starts to go inside. He stops himself and pulls out his pocketwatch. He spends a moment switching his vision between the handkerchief display and the watch, then rushes into the store.

INT STORE - DAY

Carlisle hurries in to the store. AMANDA BLODGETT, a smallish, pretty creature, standing behind the counter looks somewhat intimidated by Carlisle's demeanor.

CARLISLE

Good day, miss. The handkerchief in the window.

AMANDA

Yes?

CARLISLE

I need to have it.

AMANDA

Yes, sir. Which handkerchief?

CARLISLE

The one in the window!

AMANDA

Sir, there's a whole display in the window.

CARLISLE

Oh, bother. I'll get it myself.

Carlisle walks to the front of the store and climbs into the window display. Shot from outside as he picks up a number of handkerchiefs, then discards them. Passerby point and laugh. Carlisle waves, then finds the handkerchief. He rushes back to the counter to find Amanda crying.

CARLISLE

Oh, please don't cry. Here.

He offers her the handkerchief from the window. She takes it and dabs her eyes, then returns it to him.

AMANDA

I'm sorry. I'm horrible at this.

CARLISLE

You're not that bad. Besides, what are you doing at a job like this?

AMANDA

I don't know. I went to an agency. They said they'd find me work as a seceratary, but they placed me here. I'm terrible at retail.

CARLISLE

You could be worse.

AMANDA

Really?

CARLISLE

Oh, God, yes. I remember one time, I was at Donny's... You know Donny's? Over on Boylston? Anyway, fine store, but one of the men there! Boy, was he a stinker! Let me tell you...

AMANDA

Would you like me to ring that up for you, sir?

CARLISLE

What? This? Yes. That would be fine.

He hands her the handkerchief.

AMANDA

It's damp.

Carlisle smiles at her.

EXT STOREFRONT - DAY

Carlisle walks out, now with a matching handkerchief in his jacket pocket. He pats his pocket, hears a slight squishing, winces, then smiles and tries to look dignified. He stands for a moment, reveling in his purchase, then pulls out his pocketwach. If he were a cartoon, his eyes would bulge out of his head, but, as it is, they come darn close. He begins to sprint in a polite manner down the street. He attempts to apologize to people as he pushes them aside, and, finally, arrives at the door to the Hatcher.

INT HATCHER - DAY

Carlisle approaches BARNES, the maitre'd.

CARLISLE

Good day, Barnes.

BARNES

Good morning, sir.

CARLISLE

Beautiful weather out, what?

BARNES

Indeed, sir.

CARLISLE

I don't suppose you've seen my uncle, have you?

BARNES

Mr. Phelps departed several minutes ago. He wished me to convey to you his displeasure at your tardiness, but also that he would be returning wihtin a half-hour or so. He thoght that you would enjoy waiting in the bar area.

CARLISLE

Darned thoughtful of him. Nobody knows one like one's family, eh Barnes?

BARNES

No, sir.

INT BAR - DAY

Carlisle is seated at the bar.

BARTENDER

Good morning.

CARLISLE

Hello. A Gimlet, if you would.

A voice from further down the bar is heard.

VOICE

Bit early in the day for that, isn't it?

CARLISLE

Never too early, I always say.

Carlisle turns and sees PHINEAS KENYON, a rather obese, but friendly-looking man about the same age as Mason.

PHINEAS

As do I. Winston, another Rickey for me.

The bartender takes Phineas' glass and returns with two drinks for the men.

CARLISLE

Mr. Kenyon, isn't it?

PHINEAS

Quite right. You look familiar yourself.

CARLISLE

Carlisle Harrison-Phelps. I believe you knew my father.

PHINEAS

Prescott Harrison! Quite a fellow your father was. Say, you went to St. Guinefort's, didn't you?

CARLISLE

Class of '87.

PHINEAS

Fine old school. I was there the other week, you know.

CARLISLE

You don't say?

PHINEAS

Picked up my son. He just finished off his third form year.

CARLISLE

I remember my third form year like it was yesterday. I had quite a time of it, I must say. You see, Binky Hamilton was a sixth former that year. He and I had gotten into a bit of a disagreement the summer before out in Marblehead, so he had it in for me from the beginning. So...

PHINEAS

What are you doing here?

CARLISLE

Eh?

PHINEAS

What I mean to say is, I don't usually see you at this club. Isn't a little, well, old for you?

CARLISLE

Ah, I see. I thought we were about to embark on some sort of weighty philosophical discussion. No, I usually take my lunch over at the Fillbert, that being much more my cup of tea, as it were. On a normal day, you'd be hard pressed to find me withing a stone's throw of this establishment. Nevertheless, my uncle, a truly unpleasant fellow by the name of Mason Phelps, desired my presence for lunch today...

PHINEAS

You're Mason Phelps' nephew?

CARLISLE

It shocks even the heartiest of us. Many are the days when I wake up and ask myself the same question. Nonetheless, I am his nephew.

PHINEAS

But he's a monster.

CARLISLE

I couldn't have put it better myself. Le mot juste, as the French would have it.

PHINEAS

You intend to lunch with this man?

CARLISLE

I have little choice. My father, God rest his soul, saw fit to make his brother, my uncle, the executor of the estate. So, as you may surmise, when Uncle Mason summons, I have little choice but to reply dutifully.

PHINEAS

I feel sorry for you. Any idea why he wishes to meet with you?

CARLISLE

Employment, would be my guess, or rather my lack thereof.

PHINEAS

I take it then, he is one of these men who believes work is essential for building one's character.

CARLISLE

Sadly, yes.

PHINEAS

Come work for me, then.

CARLISLE

Steel, is it?

PHINEAS

Yes. No, I mean, come work for me as a tutor.

CARLISLE

You need a tutor?

PHINEAS

Yes. Not for me, mind you. You recall the son I mentioned?

CARLISLE

The one who recently completed his third form year at St. Guinefort.

PHINEAS

The very same. I failed to mention it, but they have seen fit to place him on academic suspension.

CARLISLE

Not hitting the books as he should?

PHINEAS

Not at all. So, Ophelia and I have been discussing employing a tutor. Who better than a St. Guinefort man?

CARLISLE

Who indeed?

PHINEAS

We'd love it if you would be willing to do it. We'll be in Welfleet all summer.

CARLISLE

Lovely place, Welfleet.

PHINEAS

Indeed. Anyway, think about it. Nothing too serious. Just a little refresher on math, languages, literature. I'm heading back tomorrow afternoon. Give me a call at the Clarendon.

CARLISLE

Mr. Kenyon, I appreciate your willingness to help, but I must say my life is awfully busy right now.

PHINEAS

I understand entirely. But think about it.

A loud slamming door can be heard. Carlisle looks over and sees Mason arguing with Barnes.

CARLISLE

Uncle Mason appears to have arrived. I'd invite you to join us for lunch...

PHINEAS

No need. I had a healthy lunch before you arrived. I recommend the steak and kidney pie.

CARLISLE

Quite good?

PHINEAS

Outstanding. I've been on a diet for months now. Ophelia seems to think I need to lose some weight, so we've been eating only macrobiotic foods since Easter.

CARLISLE

Good God!

PHINEAS

I know. Don't worry. She's already promised she would feed the tutor normally. When I left, she had the chef preparing a Thermidor.

CARLISLE

None for you, though, I take it.

PHINEAS

Not a bite.

Phineas sighs. Carlisle looks up and sees Mason waving frantically at him.

CARLISLE

If you'll excuse me.

PHINEAS

I wish you luck, my boy. Remember my offer.

CARLISLE

Thermidor, eh?

Phineas nods and smiles.

INT DINING ROOM - DAY

Carlisle and Mason are seated at a table. Almost immediately after they begin speaking, food arrives.

MASON

Your Aunt Ada and I are quite concered about you.

CARLISLE

That's an odd way to start a conversation.

MASON

That's exactly it. Every comment is some sort of glib reply. How can you expect to get through this world with an attitude like that?

CARLISLE

Quite well, I hope.

Nonplussed, Carlisle takes a sip of his drink.

MASON

Look, we're very concered about your work ethic. Your parents worked very hard to put you through school. They sent you to Harvard, for crying out loud. Do you know how much that costs? And, as executor of their estate, I feel I have some responsibility for you making something out of your education.

CARLISLE

That's very kind of you. Be watching my future with considerable interest, what?

MASON

I'll do more than that. Look, boy, I've found you a job.

CARLISLE

A what? Excuse me, I misheard.

MASON

A job. Good, hard labor aboard an ocean liner. Deck work, busing tables, all that. Your Aunt Ada's worked it out with the Captain. She wired me from out at sea. They're getting in tonight and are heading back in four days. You'll be leaving with them.

CARLISLE

Not to be rude, but how is this going to help me with realizing my education?

MASON

A few weeks of solid work should help move you up through the corporation. I expect you can be working on the shore offices within the year.

CARLISLE

Ah. Well, I hate to disappoint you uncle, but I've already found employment.

MASON

You? Don't make me laugh while I'm eating.

CARLISLE

Yes, I've secured employment with the Kenyon family. You know them? I'm to be tutoring their son for the summer. He's at St. Guinefort, you know.

MASON

They're letting a half-wit like you tutor their son?

CARLISLE

I'll let remark slide, but, yes, they're letting me tutor. I leave tomorrow.

MASON

You wouldn't lie about this.

CARLISLE

You wound me, sir.

MASON

Fair enough. However, I would be quite surprised if you managed to hold this or any other job for more than a day.

CARLISLE

I take it from your tone of voice that you are implying some sort of threat.

MASON

If, and I think this is fairly certain, you are not still employed in four days time, you are heading to Europe on the Transcontinental.

CARLISLE

The steamer?

MASON

One and the same.

CARLISLE

I see.

INT FILLBERT - DAY

The Fillbert is a distingushed club and similar in layout to the Hatcher, but several decorations have been added, e.g., moosehead covered with socks, dart boards on upended tables. Carlisle enters, tosses his hat onto the moosehead, and proceeds into the main lobby. Assorted well-dressed aimless youths mill about, drinks in hand, playing badminton, throwing darts, etc.

CARLISLE

I've got a bit of a problem.

GIN AND TONIC

Do tell.

CARLISLE

The day started out quite well. You see this handkerchief?

MANHATTAN

Brilliant! I've never seen anything like it!

CARLISLE

That's what I thought. This morning, before leaving the house, I heard this little voice telling me to wear a jacket instead of a sweater. And then, on the way to lunch, I saw this. Identical to the very tie I was wearing. How often does something like that happen?

SLOE GIN FIZZ

Very rarely, my friend.

CARLISLE

Exactly. So, one could see how I might think that this day was, in a manner, blessed by Providence. And then, lunch.

PARISIAN

No good?

CARLISLE

Far from it! Not one, but two people offered me a job.

WHISKEY SOUR

What a day!

CARLISLE

It gets worse. If I refuse the one job, I end up at the other. Trapped between the devil and the ruddy old sea.

ALABAMA FIZZ

You seek advice from your peers?

CARLISLE

Of course. Who wouldn't?

TOM COLLINS

Pick the job furthest from your relations and closest to your club.

CARLISLE

There's the rub, as some would have it. The first job puts an ocean between me and the kin, which, I might say, is something most devoutly to be wished. But, the other places me a mere two hours from my club. Plenty of opportunities for day trips, you understand.

SCREWDRIVER

Families come and go. Marry a new one. Stick by your club.

CARLISLE

That's all the advice I need. My hat.

INT TRAIN

Carlisle is seated on the train, looking out the window at the passing scenery. He is tapped on the shoulder.

CARLISLE

Oh, look! The other man already took my tick...

He looks up and sees Amanda.

CARLISLE

Oh, hullo.

AMANADA

Hi, there. Mind if I sit here?

CARLISLE

Heavens, no. Off to Cape Cod, eh? Land of sea, shore, and, um, cod, I suppose.

Amanda laughs.

CARLISLE

I didn't realize clerks were paid so well.

AMANDA

What? Oh, no. I'm going for work. You remember the agency I mentioned?

CARLISLE

Ah, yes. The ones who wouldn't find you work as a secratary.

AMANDA

Yes. They found me work.

CARLISLE

As a secratary?

AMANADA

Yup. It seems they mixed up my file with another girl's.

CARLISLE

I take it she's a whiz at clerking?

AMANDA

One can hope.

CARLISLE

If I asked her for a handkerchief, she'd know just which one I had in mind from my tone of voice?

AMANDA

Something like that.

CARLISLE

So, what do you do as a secratary? Shorthand, typing, all that?

AMANDA

I'm supposed to be helping some woman with her work on the New England speckled cocklefinch.

CARLISLE

Cooking, eh?

AMANDA

Birdwatching, I believe.

CARLISLE

Yes, it would be

AMANDA

How about you?

CARLISLE

No, I don't birdwatch.

AMANDA

No, I mean what are you doing on Cape Cod. Vacationing?

CARLISLE

Far from it. I'm supposed to be tutoring some blister who can't pass elementary algebra.

AMANDA

Oh, you're a teacher.

CARLISLE

No, not really.

AMANDA

What are you exactly?

CARLISLE

Not much of anything, really. I try to avoid work if possible.

AMANDA

I can't say I blame you.

CARLISLE

Not a bad life, really.

The train pulls to a stop.

CARLISLE

This is my stop.

AMANDA

Mine, too.

CARLISLE

You'll be in Welfleet for the summer?

AMANDA

Yes. You?

CARLISLE

Of course. I can't help but think we'll be seeing quite a bit of each other then.

AMANADA

I don't know. I'm sure I'll be quite busy.

They both alight from the train to see PEAVEY, the Kenyon chauffeur waiting for them.

PEAVEY

Miss Blodgett? Mr. Harrison-Phelps?

AMANDA

Yes.

CARLISLE

Present and accounted for.

PEAVEY

I am to take you back to the house. Follow me, if you would.

CARLISLE

Quite a bit of each other.

Carlisle smiles winningly at Amanda, who looks somewhat bewildered.

EXT KENYON HOUSE - DAY

The limo pulls up to the front of the house. The house is quite impressive. Amanda and Carlisle step out.

AMANDA

Look at this place.

CARLISLE

Not too shabby, eh?

Phineas steps out of the main door.

PHINEAS

Carlisle, my boy. I can't tell you how glad I am to see you. Come in. And you must be that woman Ophelia hired.

AMANDA

Amanda Blodgett. Pleased to meet you.

PHINEAS

Yes. Carlisle, come inside and meet the young scion.

Phineas turns and moves into the house. Carlisle follows him, gesturing to Amanda to follow.

INT FOYER

The three are standing in the foyer. Off to the left is the dining room, to the right, the living room. The center of the room is occupied mainly by a staircase, upon which Phineas has one foot.

PHINEAS

Beecher. Beecher!

CARLISLE

I take it this Beecher fellow is your son?

PHINEAS

He is indeed. I suspect he's asleep.

BEECHER, a rather preppie-looking bohemian, clad in an untucked plain flannel shirt, khaki pants, loafers (sans socks), and a small, bead necklace, stumbles out of a hallway at the top of the stairs, his hair unkempt.

BEECHER

I was sleeping.

PHINEAS

You're always sleeping. I want you to meet someone. This is Carlisle Harrison-Phelps, your tutor.

BEECHER

Oh, God.

CARLISLE

A pleasure.

BEECHER

You can't expect me to study. I'm on vacation.

PHINEAS

(to Carlisle)

If you'll excuse me for a moment.

(to Beecher)

I believe we need to have a word.

Phineas and Beecher start up the stairs, when a huge racket is heard from outside. Vague yelling can be heard.

PHINEAS

Oh, dear.

CARLISLE

That wouldn't happen to be Mrs. Kenyon, would it?

PHINEAS

I'm afraid so.

The door flies open and in strides OPHELIA KENYON. Her arms are filled with assorted photgraphic equipment.

OPHELIA

You! Are you Miss Blodgett?

AMANDA

Yes. I must say it's quite a pleasure to be working for you, Mrs...

OPHELIA

Enough blabber. Help me with this.

Amanda rushes forward and grabs an armful of equipment. Ophelia looks around, then heads up the stairway.

OPHELIA

Phineas! Did you arrange for the dinner?

PHINEAS

Yes, dear.

OPHELIA

Antoine is preparing the souflée for us?

PHINEAS

Yes.

OPHELIA

And you'll be having the mock duck?

PHINEAS

Yes, dear.

Ophelia disappears up the stairway. Amanda follows after her, looking helpless.

CARLISLE

Mock duck?

PHINEAS

Hideous stuff. I warn you, if you ever get married, stay thin. Dieting is not something any man should be forced to endure.

Phineas walks off, leaving Carlisle with Beecher.

CARLISLE

So, we'll be doing algebra this summer, will we?

BEECHER

Blow off.

CARLISLE

Excuse me?

BEECHER

Look, I don't want a tutor.

CARLISLE

Ah, that's sort of a shame as I've been employed for something of that sort.

BEECHER

I don't care.

CARLISLE

Ah.

BEECHER

You can ah all you like. I'm not going to learn algebra.

CARLISLE

Literature? Classics?

Beecher glares at Carlisle with undisguised contempt, turns, and departs, leaving Carlisle alone in the house. Undismayed, he picks up his bag and heads up the stairs.

INT HALLWAY - DAY

Carlisle is walking down the corridor, peering in rooms, atttempting to find his. He appears to find one that is suitable and starts to enter when a door down the hall slams. Amanda runs over to him. She appears on the verge of laughing.

AMANDA

Is this your room?

CARLISLE

I don't see why not.

She pushes him into the room and closes the door. She bursts out luaghing.

CARLISLE

Ho, there! Stop that!

AMANDA

Stop what?

CARLISLE

You sound like a wild orang-utan.

AMANDA

You would too, if you were me.

CARLISLE

You were I.

AMANDA

What?

CARLISLE

It may sound silly, I know, but trust me. I took the Preston Grammar prize three years running at school.

AMANDA

Oh.

CARLISLE

And well you might oh. To return to the matter at hand, why would I be laughing like an Indian orang-utan if I were you?

AMANDA

She's terrible.

CARLISLE

Mrs. Kenyon?

AMANDA

The very.

CARLISLE

In what way?

AMANDA

Well, I followed her upstairs with all that photo gear.

CARLISLE

I caught that much.

AMANDA

Yes, well, after that, she forced me to look at previous photgraphs of the cocklefinch she had taken. She has hundreds of them!

CARLISLE

Hundreds?

AMANDA

I don't know. Maybe thousands. Whole books full of them. And whole other books full of her notes about spotting these things.

CARLISLE

I fail to see the humour.

AMANDA

I get this way sometimes. Sometimes laughter is really the only way to deal with things like this. You realize that I'm going to be spending the next three months sorting through all this stuff.

CARLISLE

It could be worse.

AMANDA

Is that so?

CARLISLE

It is. Did you get a chance to converse with that spaniel they call a son?

AMANDA

Spaniel?

CARLISLE

Are they the ones with the big, floppy ears?

AMANDA

I believe so.

CARLISE

Then a spaniel he is. That hair!

AMANDA

Hurmph. No, I did not get the privelege of speaking to him.

CARLISLE

A blister of the first class. While you get to while away your hours with the speckled cocklefinch, I'll be attempting to ram elementary mathematics down this young fellow's throat.

AMANDA

It's not as bad as all that.

CARLISLE

No?

AMANDA

No. Just find out what his interests are and appeal to those.

CARLISLE

Hmmm. You may be on to something there.

Amanda smiles at him.

INT GARAGE - DAY

Carlisle enters the garage. Beecher is leaning inside the hood of a car.

CARLISLE

Fixing-up, eh?

BEECHER

Yeah, I guess so.

CARLISLE

Do you like cars?

BEECHER

I guess.

CARLISLE

It's a shame I didn't bring mine up, then.

BEECHER

What do you drive?

CARLISLE

A 1972 Jaguar coupe. Nothing too fancy.

Beecher perks up somewhat.

BEECHER

If you bring it down here, I'll tune it up for you.

CARLISLE

How kind of you to offer. You know a little about cars, eh?

Beecher returns to being sullen.

BEECHER

I suppose.

CARLISLE

Do they offer auto shop at St. Guinefort's now?

BEECHER

Ha. I wish.

CARLISLE

No, I don't suppose they do.

BEECHER

I'd love to be a mechanic.

CARLISLE

You should tell your father. I'm sure he'd be glad to support your decision. Good, honest labor and all that. My uncle, for instance, seems to think that...

BEECHER

He said he'd disown me.

CARLISLE

You're joking.

BEECHER

Naw. He said I have to graduate from school with distinction and go to Harvard.

CARLISLE

Harvard's not all it's cracked up to be, take my word for it.

BEECHER

Yeah, well. Try telling that to my father.

CARLISLE

Look, as far as I'm concerned you could find no better career than that of a mechanic. I say to you, follow your dreams, young sire. If mechanic is what you want to be, then look your father quarely in the eye and say, "Father, I wish to be an auto mechanic." If that doesn't work, then I'll be blowed.

BEECHER

I can't do that. He'd have my hide.

CARLISLE

Your father? He's a pussy cat. You should meet my uncle. Why there's a man...

BEECHER

Would you talk to him?

CARLISLE

Me?

BEECHER

Yeah, he likes you.

CARLISLE

Hmmm... Perhaps we should arrange a bargain.

BEECHER

How do you mean?

CARLISLE

You cooperate with this whole tutor business, and I'll have a word with your father and see if I can get him to soften on this whole mechanic front.

BEECHER

Sounds, fair enough.

Beecher holds out his oil-covered hand. Carlisle looks at it, disgusted, but grits his teeth and shakes it.

BEECHER

Let me see if I got this thing working right.

Beecher dives behind the wheel of the car and turns the ignition. The engine turns over, then brusts into flames. Carlisle, spotting a handy fire extinguisher, grabs it and puts out the fire. Beecher exits the car and stands next to him.

CARLISLE

May I ask what you were attempting to fix on the car?

BEECHER

I was just changing the oil.

CARLISLE

I see. There would have been few better ways to illustrate that you could benefit greatly from more stuctured tutoring in the mechanical arts. I don't suppose we could lure your father in here and hit him with the same demonstration.

BEECHER

We could, but it's his car.

CARLISLE

Yes, you're right. That might not be the best plan. Well, I'll do some thinking. You've got the fabled Harrison-Phelps brain on your side now.

Beecher smiles at Carlisle much as one might at a slightly loony relative. Carlisle fails to grasp the subtleties of this look and exits.

INT DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Phineas, Ophelia, Amanda, Beecher, and Carlisle are seated around a large table. The souflée serves as a huge centerpiece and is quite a culinary miracle. Everyone is eagerly passing around plates of food, with the exception of Phineas, who sits looking glumly at a plate of mock duck.

OPHELIA

I can't tell you how good it will be to have you helping me, Miss Blodgett.

AMANDA

I'm glad to hear it.

OPHELIA

Did you receive the telegram I sent you?

AMANDA

No, I'm must have missed it.

OPHELIA

Oh, no bother. It was just to inform you of our expidition tomorrow.

AMANDA

Expidition?

OPHELIA

Yes. I've located a nest of cocklefinches in Truro and need to spend the day observing them. I'm sure you'll find it quite fascinating.

AMANDA

I'm sure I shall.

OPHELIA

And how is the tutoring going, Beecher?

BEECHER

Good.

OPHELIA

Good?

CARLISLE

Beecher has been quite an apt pupil. He takes to basic trigonomentry like a duck to water, or even a cocklefinch, I suppose.

Carlisle looks quite proud of his comment. Ophelia glares at him.

OPHELIA

Mr. Harrison-Phelps! The New England speckled cocklefinch is horribly averse to water. Do you have any idea what happens to a cocklefinch that lands in the water?

CARLISLE

They start splashing around? Give themsleves a bit of a bath? Try to wash their speckles off?

OPHELIA

If you are as ignorant about mathematics and literature as you are about orinthology, I shudder to think of what you are teaching my son.

CARLISLE

Ah, Mrs. Kenyon...

OPHELIA

Quiet! I believe that it would do you a world of good to accompany us on our trip. And Beecher can come along, as well. It can't hurt.

BEECHER

Mom!

OPHELIA

Don't talk back!

PHINEAS

Mind your mother.

OPHELIA

Yes. When I was...

Ophelia is cut off by the sound of the telephone ringing. Phineas glares at Beecher.

PHINEAS

Is that one of your friends?

Beecher shakes his head mutely. The ringing stops. After some time, ANTOINE, the chef/valet, enters.

ANTOINE

Madam. It's for you.

OPHELIA

Oh, dear.

Ophelia gets up from the table and heads to the phone in the foyer. As she picks it up, the screen splits to reveal:

INT LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

ADA PHELPS, Carlisle's uncle and Mason's wife, is standing talking on the telephone. She is talking much too loudly, as she is sort of a bossy woman. Ophelia, disturbed at being interrupted at dinner, is somewhat cross.

OPHELIA

Hello?

ADA

Ophelia? Is that you?

OPHELIA

Of course it is.

ADA

Oh, good. This is Ada. Ada Phelps.

OPHELIA

Ada. How good to hear from you? Somewhat late, though, isn't it?

ADA

Pardon? I can hardly hear you. Look, I met this wonderful woman on my cruise.

OPHELIA

Oh, how was that?

ADA

Her name is Petra Van Daaniken. She's been schooling on the Continent and is just returning to the States for the first time in years. I told her if she is going to be in the States, she should go to Welfleet. She'll be arriving tomorrow.

OPHELIA

She's coming here?

ADA

Of course. Where else can I send her? Bailey's driving her up. I hope you don't mind.

OPHELIA

No, not at all, Ada. When will you be coming up?

ADA

Oh, we're quite busy down here. But Mason and I will be up there soon enough.

INT DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Ophelia walks into the room.

OPHELIA

Carlisle. That was your Aunt Ada on the phone.

Carlisle looks as though he has been struck with a wet herring. He manages to choke down his food enough to be able to wheeze slightly.

CARLISLE

Oh, really.

OPHELIA

Yes. It seems that your cousin Bailey will be driving up tomorrow with some Dutch woman Ada met on an ocean liner.

CARLISLE

Ah, Bailey's quite a character.

PHINEAS

Isn't he the one who...

CARLISLE

He is indeed.

BEECHER

What?

CARLISLE

(Conspiratorily)

I'll tell you later.

Ophelia glares at him.

PHINEAS

Well, he's coming up just in time.

CARLISLE

Eh?

PHINEAS

The festival.

CARLISLE

Eh?

PHIENAS

This is the vocabulary they teach you at Harvard? Yes, the Welfleet Harbor Festival is tomorrow night. Oh, you've got to see this one...

PHELIA

Phineas! Watch yourself.

PHINEAS

Yes, dear. Well, I'll just say that it is quite a time and that will have to suffice for now.

CARLISLE

Tomorrow night, you say?

PHINEAS

Yes.

CARLISLE

Fancy dress?

PHINEAS

Wouldn't be a festival otherwise.

CARLISLE

Huzzah!

Ophelia glares at Carlisle. Carlisle attempts to look more dignified. Antoine walks out with a tray of Napoleans. Phineas looks perturbed as the others eat dessert.

EXT HOUSE - NIGHT

One by one the lights in the house go out or dim.

INT CARLISLE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Carlisle is lying in bed, reading a book. A knock is heard at his door. He jumps, then rushes over to the door.

CARLISLE

(whispering)

Who is it?

AMANDA

(whispering)

It's me. Open up.

Carlisle does as commanded. Amanda is holding a small flashlight.

CARLISLE

What are you doing? Planning to burgle the place?

AMANDA

I'm sneaking down to the kitchen.

CARLISLE

What for?

AMANDA

Those Napoleans.

CARLISLE

You'll hardly keep your girlish figure that way.

Amanda hits him. Carlisle winces.

AMANDA

They're not for me. Did you see poor Mr. Kenyon's face at dinner?

CARLISLE

The poor man. You're going to swipe some for him.

AMANDA

Of course.

CARLISLE

Why did you get me?

AMANDA

I'm scared to go alone. Come with me.

CARLISLE

Let me get my robe.

INT KITCHEN - NIGHT

Carlisle and Amanda are prowling around. Both are trying very very hard to be silent. After some fumbling around, they manage to find the plate of Napoleans and abscond with it.

INT HALLWAY - NIGHT

Carlisle and Amanda are knocking quietly on Phineas' door.

CARLISLE

(hissing)

Mr. Kenyon.

Phineas throws open the door.

PHINEAS

(yelling)

What in God's name...

Amanda throws her hand over his mouth as both she and Carlisle make shhing gestures. Hand still covering Phineas' mouth, she holds up the plate of Napoleans and the three back into Phineas' room.

EXT HOUSE - MORNING

As dawn breaks over the house, there are a few signs of life. Ophelia is instructing a number of servants as they load things into the car. Peavey looks dismayed at the amount of things being piled into the limo, but remains calm. The camera slowly tracks toward the house and follows Ophelia as she enters the foyer.

OPHELIA

(bellowing)

Six o'clock. Time to wake up.

INT CARLISLE'S BEDROOM - DAY

CARLISLE

Oh, bother.

Carlisle puts a pillow on his head. A knocking is heard at the door. Carlisle groans. The door opens, and Amanda enters.

AMANDA

Oh, be quiet. Look, I brought you tea.

CARLISLE

Tea?

AMANDA

Nice, strong Djakarta.

CARLISLE

Two bags?

AMANDA

Of course.

CARLISLE

Brewed in last night's coffee pot?

AMANDA

Yup.

CARLISLE

You are a lifesaver.

Carlisle tosses off the pillow and accepts the proffered cup of tea. Amanda looks quite chipper for six a.m., which Carlisle notices as soon as he successfully opens his eyes.

CARLISLE

What are you doing alert at this hour?

AMANDA

I usually get up early. Just before sunrise.

CARLISLE

Military training?

AMANDA

No.

CARLISLE

Hmm. Then there's no explanation for it.

AMANDA

I guess not. Hurry up. Mrs. Kenyon wants to get out to the bird refuge before they start feeding for the day.

EXT HOUSE - DAY

Ophelia, Amanda, Beecher, Carlisle, and Peavey pile into the Range Rover and pull out of the driveway. Phineas stands on the front porch waving.

INT CAR - DAY

Ophelia is seated in the front passenger seat. The others are stuffed into the back with the equipment.

OPHELIA

Did you remember to bring the dictation eqipment, Amanda?

AMANDA

I have it right here, Mrs. Kenyon.

OPHELIA

Excellent. I expect that...

The car swerves sharply, as another car, this one a sporty little MG, comes hurtling down the narrow, twisty road.

OPHELIA

My goodness!

PEAVEY

So sorry, Madam.

OPHELIA

Quite all right, Peavey. Not your fault in the slightest. Those reckless drivers! Who on earth would drive like that?

CARLISLE

That would be my cousin Bailey, I fear. I believe I recognized the license plate.

OPHELIA

That...lout is going to be at my house! Heavens!

EXT ROAD

Nice overhead shot shows the Range Rover pulling down the road, then track back to show the MG continuing to speed toward the house.

EXT HOUSE

Phineas is standing in front of his house, smiling happily. He pulls out a pipe and begins to smoke.

PHINEAS

A whole day without Ophelia. Without Beecher. Without noise. Without distractions.

He smiles and starts to walk into the house, when he hears the screeching of brakes, the rumble of a car engine, and the clattering of trash cans struck by a rapdily moving MG. He turns and sees BAILEY SKELTON-PHELPS rushing out of the car. He rushes to upright the trash cans then moves around to the passenger side door. Phineas rubs his head, as though pained. The passenger door opens, striking Bailey as he attempts to be helpful, and out steps PETRA VAN DAANIKEN, a very attractive blond woman. Bailey follows behind her as she moves toward the house. She turns and glares at him. He immediately understands and runs back to get her bags out of the boot.

PHINEAS

I take it you are the Van Daaniken woman Ada told us about.

PETRA

That's me. Please, call me Petra.

PHINEAS

Pleased to meet you, and you would be Carlisle's cousin, would you?

This last comment is addressed to Bailey who is struggling with a few large suitcases. He attempts to extend his hand, but succeeds only in dropping the bags. Petra winces.

BAILEY

Yes. Bailey Skelton-Phelps. We're only step-cousins really.

PHINEAS

Fascinating. Please, come in.

Phineas and Petra enter the house. Bailey fumbles with the bags and follows.

EXT ESTUARY - DAY

Ophelia is leading the rest of the expidition, binoculars firmly affixed to her eyes. The rest of the group follows single-file behind her, hauling large pieces of equipment. The camera follows Ophelia in a tight one-shot as she lectures.

OPHELIA

So, you see, if we can succesfully record the mating calls on the speckled cocklefinch we will be the first orinthologists to confirm the alleged..

The camera tracks back down the line to Beecher, who is looking quite bored. He pulls out a walkman and plugs the earpieces in. Faint bad hippie music is heard. Track back to Peavey, who is carrying the bulk of the equipment. He mutters something under his breath. Track back to Amanda and Carlisle who are walking next to each other.

CARLISLE

I seem to be stepping in mud.

AMANDA

It's an estuary. It's all mud.

CARLISLE

That explains it, then. You know, I don't usually go in for this sort of thing.

AMANDA

No? I'd never have guessed.

CARLISLE

Really?

Amanda gives him a look.

CARLISLE

No need to give me a look. No, I've never been really much for the country. But I must say, this isn't as bad as I thought. I mean, it isn't as if several hours of walking through mud will be followed by several more hours of walking through mud, an evening of sleeping in mud, followed by still more mud. No, a few hours of mud balanced by a roaring festival. Quite the life, I must say.

AMANDA

Quite.

CARLISLE

Fancy dress, too. Have you selected your costume?

AMANDA

I doubt I will be attending.

CARLISLE

What?

AMANDA

Mrs. Kenyon doesn't approve of such things. As her secratary, I'll be staying home with her.

CARLISLE

Again I say, what? How could she not approve of such a fine tradition?

AMANDA

She's a dry.

CARLISLE

I don't follow.

AMANDA

A dry. A prohibitionist. A teetotaller.

CARLISLE

That's horrible. Still, it explains some things.

AMANDA

Eh?

CARLISLE

Mr. Kenyon. When we met at his club, he was drinking like a fish. Not allowed at home, I expect.

AMANDA

No, not at all.

CARLISLE

That's how it often is with these types. If they don't drink, nobody drinks. My grandmother was the same way. She'd see me running around the house and tell me...

OPHELIA

(shouting)

Did you write that down, Amanda?

AMANDA

Yes, ma'am.

Amanda hurriedly pulls out a pad of paper and pencil and scribbles on it.

INT FOYER - DAY

Phineas is welcoming Petra and Bailey into the house.

PHINEAS

Ophelia tells me you've been studying on the continent.

PETRA

Yes, my parents sent me to school abroad. They thought it would do me good to get away.

PHINEAS

Ah, yes. Where are your parents from?

PETRA

New York.

PHINEAS

Banking?

PETRA

Uh, yes. I'm sorry, I'm quite tired from my trip. Would you mind if I went upstairs?

PHINEAS

Of course not. I'll have Antoine show you to your room.

Phineas picks up a bell in the foyer and rings in. Antoine steps out of a doorway, grabs Petra's bag, and heads upstairs. Petra follows.

BAILEY

She's something, isn't she?

PHINEAS

I suppose so.

BAILEY

No supposing about it. A real corker.

PHINEAS

Yes. Would you care for a drink?

BAILEY

And how.

INT KITCHEN

Phineas opens the pantry, revealing a number of juices - carrot, prune, etc. He reaches for a large jar of apricot juice.

PHINEAS

I'm sorry I can't offer you anything stronger. My wife is on a bit of a health binge at the moment.

BAILEY

But one could say that you are not averse to a little nip now and again.

PHINEAS

Not at all.

BAILEY

Keeps the blood flowing.

PHINEAS

A veritable health food.

BAILEY

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Bailey pulls out his valise, which, when opened, reveals a small portable bar. The two smile.

EXT ESTUARY - DAY

The group is circled about atop a small hummock. Ophelia is looking out with her binoculars. Amanda is crouched next to her with a camera.

OPHELIA

Get that one, just to the left of the... No, not that one. The one with the brown speckles on his left wing.

CARLISLE

(to Beecher)

Is she always like this?

BEECHER

Usually.

CARLISLE

Makes you appreciate your time off at school?

BEECHER

Yeah. I guess it does.

INT LIVING ROOM - DAY

Phineas and Bailey are seated on couches, each drinking a cocktail. They look as though they have been at it for a while.

PHINEAS

...Thatcher said that he had already told him about the painting. You should have seen the look on his face.

Phineas laughs. Bailey chuckles appreciably.

BAILEY

Quite a story, Mr. Kenyon.

PHINEAS

It is indeed. So, do you work for Mason?

BAILEY

Sadly enough. He has me running the Hartford office.

PHINEAS

I think I banked there once. Or was it a loan?

BAILEY

Please. Can we discuss something other than banking?

PHINEAS

Not much of a man for the profession?

BAILEY

God, no. Car's got the life. No parents trying to get him into the business. No one pressuring into marriage.

PHINEAS

Your parents are big proponents of the arranged marriage? Something to be said for that, actually.

BAILEY

I suppose. There's this one young woman they seem quite fond of. Miss Eugenia Slothrop.

PHINEAS

Not your type, eh?

BAILEY

Not at all. I prefer, well, Petra.

PHINEAS

Ah, a bit of a romance blossoming in my own house, eh?

BAILEY

One can hope. She's been up there a while. Perhaps I should go check on her.

Bailey stands and begins to leave the room. The camera heads out and up the stairs.

PHINEAS

Nonsense. Have another drink.

The camera continues up the stairs and up to Petra's room. Petra is seated on the bed, the phone to her ear. Ringing is heard.

PETRA

Come on, come on, come on.

The phone is answered and the screen splits to show

INT SLEAZY OFFICE

BRUNO, a fat, sleazy hoodlum, picks up the phone.

BRUNO

Yeah.

PETRA

Bruno? That you?

BRUNO

Yeah.

PETRA

You sound like a broken record.

BRUNO

Yeah?

PETRA

Yeah. Look, everything's going great. I'm inside.

BRUNO

Good.

PETRA

They've left me alone all afternoon. I found the madam's jewelry box.

BRUNO

Good stuff in there?

PETRA

Good as gold.

BRUNO

How about the other plan?

PETRA

Yeah. I think I've got him picked out. Mrs. Phelps' kid told me that his cousin is loaded. He sounds like a winner. Big inheritance. No job. Just what we need.

BRUNO

Sure enough.

Thumping footsteps can be heard outside.

PETRA

Look, I gotta go. I'll keep you posted.

She hangs up the phone and reattatches her earring. She walks over to the door, opens it, and finds Bailey preparing to knock.

BAILEY

Oh, hullo. I hope I didn't disturb you.

PETRA

Not at all.

BAILEY

We're about to have dinner. Would you care to join us?

PETRA

I can't think of anything I'd rather do.

Petra flashes a winning smile. Bailey looks smitten and backs out of the room.

INT CAR - DUSK

Once again, the expidition has gathered into the Range Rover. Ophelia pulls out a cassette and slides into the cassette deck.

OPHELIA

Listen. Just listen to that.

The others lean forward and hear the sounds of a mating New England speckled cocklefinch.

OPHELIA

See! That clinches it. Amanda, we start work tonight on the transcription of my notes.

Ophelia rewinds the tape and plays it over and over again. Everyone else slumps back in their seats.

AMANDA

As I said, no festival for me.

CARLISLE

It would appear so, yes.

AMANDA

Still, the festival runs until well into the morning hours, right?

CARLISLE

They could hardly call it a festival otherwise.

AMANDA

Mrs. Kenyon is usually in bed by ten. What say I meet you at the east Boathouse at ten-thirty.

CARLISLE

I can hardly wait.

INT DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Phineas, Petra, and Bailey are gathered around the dinner table. Phineas is piling vast amounts of food onto his plate and into his mouth.

BAILEY

Expecting some sort of famine, Mr. Kenyon?

PHINEAS

I've hardly tasted meat all summer. My wife says it clogs the intestine.

BAILEY

What's an intestine for if not to be clogged? More wine?

PHINEAS

Please.

Phineas drains his glass and holds it out for more. Bailey fills him up. Petra looks somewhat disgusted. As Phineas is in mid-mouthful, the front door thumps open. Phineas hurriedly tosses his plate and glass into the (LITTLE WINDOW CONNECTING DINING ROOM AND KITCHEN) and pulls out a different dish. He whips out a bottle of mouthwash, swishes it around, then swallows. Immediately after finishing this, Ophelia enters.

OPHELIA

Ah, there you are, dear.

PHINEAS

Good evening. Would you care to join us for dinner?

OPHELIA

No time to eat. I need to get started on my book. I'll be in the study.

She heads out of the room, then stops and inspects Phineas' plate.

OPHELIA

Mind you eat the rest of those sprouts dear. You simply can't get enough Vitamin E.

She exits. Phineas breathes a sigh of relief. Amanda, Beecher, and Carlisle enter the room.

AMANDA

Which way did she go?

PHINEAS

She said she was headed to the study.

AMANDA

Right.

Amanda scurries off after Ophelia. Carlisle and Beecher sit down at the table.

CARLISLE

My dear cousin! Long time no see.

BAILEY

Indeed. Say, you still taking lunch over at that club of yours?

CARLISLE

How could I stop? Best filets on the seaboard. And their scallops? First-rate. Speaking of which, any chance we could get a plate or two of that.

He points to Bailey's dinner plate. Antoine immediately steps out with two plates of food, which he sets down before Carlisle and Beecher.

CARLISLE

Ah, that's the stuff.

BAILEY

I'll be in Boston next week, we should do lunch.

CARLISLE

I'd love to, old boy, but it looks like I'll be up here for a while. I'm tutoring this young fellow. A St. Guinefort man.

BAILEY

Right ho! Go, Hounds, and all that.

BEECHER

Sure. Go, hounds.

PETRA

Did you all go to the same school?

PHINEAS

Yup. All four of us. I nearly forgot, Petra Van Daaniken, I'd like to introduce you to Beecher, my son, and Carlisle Harrison-Phelps, his tutor.

PETRA

Pleased to meet you.

CARLISLE

You look familiar.

PETRA

I've got a common face.

BAILEY

Far from it, I'd say.

PETRA

No, people often confuse me with others.

CARLISLE

Ah, I see. Still, I rarely, if ever, forget a face. I know I've seen you somewhere.

PHINEAS

Enough. Say, it's nearly six. We'd best be getting dressed.

BAILEY

Dressed?

PHINEAS

Didn't I tell you?

BAILEY

About what?

PHINEAS

The Welfleet Harbor Festival.

BAILEY

A fetival?

PHINEAS

Indeed.

BAILEY

Fancy dress?

PHINEAS

What else?

BAILEY

What are we sitting around here for?

CARLISLE

What indeed?

Everyone leaves the table, and heads upstairs.

INT HALLWAY - NIGHT

Carlisle walks down the hallway, dressed as a 18th century Aristocrat. He knocks lightly on the study door.

CARLISLE

(hissing)

Amanda.

No response.

CARLISLE

(hissing loudly)

Amanda.

Still, no response.

CARLISLE

(shouting with a hissing tone)

Amanda.

Amanda opens the door.

AMANDA

Are you trying to get me fired?

CARLISLE

Eh?

AMANDA

If Mrs. Kenyon catches me talking to you instead of transcibing her tapes, she'll...

CARLISLE

All right, all right. I get the point. Still, just wanted to make sure you were meeting me tonight.

AMANDA

Ten thirty. And, Carlisle?

CARLISLE

Yes?

AMANDA

You look absurd.

Amanda closes the door in his face.

CARLISLE

Wait just a moment. I...

Carlisle stops shaking his finger at the door and walks off in a huff.

EXT FESTIVAL - NIGHT

Lots of shots of the crazed festival atmosphere. Hundreds of people in costumes are running through the streets. At the bandstand in the center of the street, a lively swing/jump blues band is playing. Everyone is dancing, drinking, or just acting goofy. Camera finally settles on Bailey who has collared some BLOKE. Bailey is dressed as some sort of swashbuckling bucaneer. The bloke's costume, like those of most of the other festival goers is fairly minimal, i.e. a silly shirt and a domino mask.

BAILEY

Now, I'm not sure if you're familiar with the work of Louis Jordan.

BLOKE

Sure.

BAILEY

Now, my plan is to hire him on to do a musical revue in New York.

BLOKE

Isn't he dead?

BAILEY

Is he? Oh, no. That ruins everything.

Suddenly, Phineas, dressed as a samurai or somesuch, leaps out of the shadows, waving a large plastic sword.

PHINEAS

Hee-yah!

Bailey screams involuntarily.

BAILEY

Mr. Kenyon? Is that you?

PHINEAS

It is indeed!

BAILEY

I say! That is some costume you've got there!

PHINEAS

Isn't it? Quite impressive, if I do say so myself.

BAILEY

Right ho. Say, Let me introduce my companian. This is Mr... I'm sorry I didn't quite catch your name.

Bailey turns around to find that the Bloke has slipped off. Bailey shrugs and turns his attention to Phineas. The camera follows the bloke through the crowd until it comes to Carlisle, who is waiting at the assigned spot. The camera settles on him. He looks at his watch, periodically, looking bored. A large whooping sound comes out of the crowd. Carlisle starts to move to find it, then returns to his spot. Petra comes up to him. She is dressed in a somewhat garish fairy costume. She taps Carlisle on the shoulder. He jumps and spins around to face her.

CARLISLE

I say. A fairy. And a rather garishly dressed one.

PETRA

It's me, you ninny.

CARLISLE

Ah, Miss Van Daaniken. Are you enjoying the festivities?

PETRA

Quite. This is a lovely town.

CARLISLE

You've never been here before?

PETRA

No. This is my first time up.

CARLISLE

Where does your family summer?

PETRA

Umm...the Catskills mostly.

CARLISLE

I thought you were Dutch.

PETRA

Eh?

CARLISLE

Well, the Catskills is mostly Westchester, and you're Manhattan, right?

PETRA

Oh, yes, but most of my family's friends are from Westchester.

CARLISLE

Fair enough.

Carlisle looks around for Amanda.

PETRA

Are you looking for someone?

CARLISLE

Yes. I was supposed to meet someone here at ten thirty.

Petra looks over at Carlisle's watch.

PETRA

It's eleven.

CARLISLE

Yes, so it is.

PETRA

That pretty much frees you from any obligation, doesn't it?

CARLISLE

Does it? I suppose it does. But, still, might as well wait around for a while longer. Can't hurt.

PETRA

But the tango contest starts in a few minutes.

CARLISLE

Tango?

Petra smiles and nods.

CARLISLE

I love to tango.

PETRA

Your cousin was telling me...

CARLISLE

Oh, no.

PETRA

...about the St. Albion's Day dance contest.

CARLISLE

It wasn't nearly as wild as he may have described it.

PETRA

Regardless, the point was made that you appreciate a good tango.

CARLISLE

That may be.

PETRA

And, as you know, it takes two to tango.

CARLISLE

That's so.

PETRA

Shall we, then?

Carlisle looks at his watch, takes one final look for Amanda, then succumbs to Petra's insistent tugging on his sleeve.

CARLISLE

All right. One quick dance, and then back to waiting.

PETRA

Good.

They are now at the dance area, where the band that was previously playing swing music has now broken into a delightful tango. Carlisle grabs Petra and drags her onto the floor. They dance for a while, culminating with Petra leading Carlisle off into a darkish alley. They collapse on the ground.

CARLISLE

I'm a bit out of practice, what?

PETRA

You're still miles above me.

CARLISLE

I'd say you could hold your own.

PETRA

Hmmm.

Carlisle gets up and begins to leave.

CARLISLE

Well, I hate to leave, but I really must get back to my post.

PETRA

Wait!

CARLISLE

Eh?

PETRA

I really enjoyed dancing with you.

CARLISLE

The feeling's mutual.

Petra walks up to him and puts her arms around his neck.

PETRA

Is it?

CARLISLE

Umm. I'm not sure if this is...

He is interrupted by Petra planting a big, wet one on his lips. Carlisle struggles for a moment, then gives in. After a while, they break apart.

CARLISLE

Oh, my.

PETRA

I'm glad you feel the same way I do.

CARLISLE

Yes, well...

PETRA

No need to talk, my dear. Now, I think I should depart. I need to find someplace to powder my nose.

Petra flits off into the main square. Carlisle steps after her, but stops.

CARLISLE

Miss Van Daaniken! (PAUSE) Yes, well, best to be getting back, then.

He smoothes his shirt and heads back into the crowd.

In the crowd, Petra grabs hold of Bailey. She has completely abandoned the smitten pose she adopted with Carlisle.

BAILEY

Ah, having a good time?

PETRA

Well, I would be, but I can't seem to find my earrings.

BAILEY

Where did you last see them?

PETRA

That's the problem, see. I can't recall if I left them at the house, or if I wore them out.

BAILEY

That is a problem.

PETRA

Would you mind terribly if I asked you to drive me back to the house?

BAILEY

Not at all. I think the car is over this way.

Bailey ducks out through the crowd. Petra follows him.

INT STUDY - NIGHT

Ophelia is busily looking through one of her bird books, while Amanda is typing something on the typewriter. Amanda is looking somewhat anxious and peeved. She glances at the clock and notes that it is well past ten thirty.

OPHELIA

Ah, here it is! Finish transcribing this and that should be enough for tonight. We'll get up at dawn tomorrow to finish off the chapter.

AMANDA

Yes, Mrs. Kenyon.

OPHELIA

Well, I'm headed to bed. You had best do the same as soon as you're done. We'll want to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed tomorrow morning.

AMANDA

Yes. Of course.

Ophelia puts her book back on the shelf and leaves the room. Amanda pauses, waits for the footsteps outside the doorway to die away, then darts out of the room.

INT GARAGE - NIGHT

Amanda grabs a keyring off the rack and moves through the selection of cars. She first looks at Phineas' personal car, then notices the burn marks from Beecher's earlier incident and decides on a beautiful old Aston-Martin that is parked next to it. She opens the door, then drives off.

INT OPHELIA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Ophelia, hearing a noise, gets out of bed and looks out the window. She sees the Aston-Martin pulling out and frowns angrily. She starts back to bed as the sound of the car pulling off is heard. Just before getting back in bed, she hears another car pull into the driveway very quickly. She goes to the window and sees Bailey's car pulls up. Again, she scowls angrily, more so when she see Bailey exit and run toward the house. As she turns away to go back to bed, he turns back to the car and opens Petra's door.

EXT DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

As seen from Ophelia's window, Bailey is helping Petra out of the car. Petra looks a little peeved, but maintains a nice, fake-looking smile when talking to Bailey.

PETRA

All right. I'm just going to run in and see if I can find my earrings. You wait out here.

BAILEY

I'd be glad to accompany you.

PETRA

Don't be silly. It will only take a minute.

Petra runs inside. Bailey looks after her, then mopes about by the car.

INT FOYER - NIGHT

Petra runs up the main stairs and into Ophelia's dressing room (which is, of course, separate from her bedroom). She pulls a small bag out of her fairy costume and empties several drawers of jewelry into the bag. She then sneaks over to Bailey's room and deposits the bag in his desk drawer. She starts to leave the room, then doubles back, pulls out the bag, pulls out her earrings from her pocket, and slips them into the bag.

EXT DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

Bailey, who has been moping, perks up the minute Petra exits the house.

BAILEY

Did you find them?

PETRA

Yup. They were right on my dresser.

BAILEY

Oh, good.

Bailey opens the car door for Petra, and she enters. As he gets in on the other side, she looks back at the house.

PETRA

Now that I think about it, I probably should have put them away. Someone could just walk in and grab them off my dresser.

BAILEY

I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. There aren't any theives on Cape Cod.

EXT FESTIVAL - NIGHT

The festival is starting to die down. Carlisle is sitting at his usual spot. His ruff has been loosened, and he is nursing some sort of odd, festive cocktail. Amanda hurries over to him and taps him on the shoulder.

CARLISLE

What do you... Oh! It's you.

AMANDA

Yes. Sorry I'm late.

CARLISLE

Don't be silly. I didn't even notice.

AMANDA

It's nearly one in the morning.

CARLISLE

What better time to start the evening off?

AMANDA

You're so sweet.

CARLISLE

Yes, well. Let's go for a walk, shall we?

AMANDA

I'd love to.

EXT FESTIVAL GROUNDS - NIGHT

The crowd has thinned out considerably, but there are still plenty of costumed merrymakers about as Carlisle and Amanda walk along the oceanside. The band can still be heard in the distance, though they have switched from hot jazz to slower caberet numbers.

CARLISLE

Honestly, you didn't miss anything.

AMANDA

I find that hard to believe. I took it that you and your cousin have been known to raise a bit of hell on occasions like these.

CARLISLE

He's only a step-cousin, but, yes, we've gotten into a pinch here and a scrape there.

AMANDA

Just a pinch and a scrape?

CARLISLE

Nothing extraordinary. Pinching policemen's hats, running from them, getting caught.

AMANDA

Only on regatta night though, right?

CARLISLE

Yes, I suppose it is a sort of a cliché.

AMANDA

A bit.

CARLISLE

Well, I'm sort of a clichéd sort of fellow.

AMANDA

Really?

CARLISLE

Yes, I dare say I am.

AMANDA

So, what's the clichéd sort of thing to do at festivals.

CARLISLE

Oh, you know. Have a few drinks, wear a snazzy costume, meet some pretty birds, take nice, long romantic walks as the evening draws to a close. All that.

AMANDA

Sound like fun.

CARLISLE

A blast.

AMANDA

If you're into that sort of thing.

CARLISLE

Right, of course. If.

There is a somewhat awkward silence.

AMANDA

About these walks?

CARLISLE

Yes?

AMANDA

I take it you're an expert on these matters?

CARLISLE

Hardly.

AMANDA

Really? I expected you to know all about it.

CARLISLE

Ah, you know how it is. One gets caught up with other things. Errands, career, all that. After a while you find you don't have the time for any of that sort of stuff.

AMANDA

What about summers? Lots of time then.

CARLISLE

Truer words were never spoken. Perfect season for long romantic walks, what?

AMANDA

Yup.

Carlisle bends down and kisses her. They break apart and smile at each other. They hold hands and walk down the boardwalk, until they see Bailey sitting on the dock of the pier looking glum.

CARLISLE

I say! Is that my own cousin I see there looking like rather a gloomy gus?

BAILEY

Step-cousin. And yes.

CARLISLE

What's wrong? Nothing I've done, I hope.

Bailey shakes his head.

CARLISLE

Anything I can do?

AMANDA

Yes, maybe we can help.

BAILEY

Not bloody likely. Unless you know how to brew love potions.

AMANDA

I've tried. They don't work.

Carlisle gives her a look. She gives him one back.

CARLISLE

Who is this love potion for?

BAILEY

No one.

AMANDA

Oh, come on. You can tell us.

BAILEY

No, I can't. You'll laugh at me.

CARLISLE

Don't be silly. Oh, God! It's not Mrs. Kenyon, is it?

BAILEY

That's repulsive!

CARLISLE

I'll say. So it's not her?

BAILEY

No, it's Petra.

CARLISLE

Miss Van Daaniken? I see.

BAILEY

She's wonderful, Car. Absolutely gorgeous.

CARLISLE

And you can't just ask her out? Dinner? Dancing?

BAILEY

She'd have nothing to do with me.

AMANDA

You're sure of this?

BAILEY

Yes! I just now drove her home so that she could check on her earrings.

CARLISLE

Very kind of you.

BAILEY

What I thought. Still, both there and back, she didn't say a word to me. I think she thinks I'm, you know, simple.

AMANDA

Ah.

BAILEY

Easy enough for you to say.

CARLISLE

Look, Bailey. You've got two of the finest minds on Cape Cod working for you know. Three, if you count that thing above your cravat. We'll come up with something. Show her you're the stuff.

BAILEY

Say, that sounds good. What do you have in mind?

CARLISLE

Well, nothing yet, but give it some time. I'm sure by breakfast we'll have a corker of a plan.

BAILEY

Fair enough. Gee, I feel better already. I'm going to go see If I can find another one of those coconut drinks. They're something, aren't they?

CARLISLE

They are indeed.

BAILEY

Would you two like to come with me?

AMANDA

We'd love to.

EXT FESTIVAL - NIGHT

Petra is huddled around a pay phone, which is ringing. As the ringing stops, the screen splits to show

INT SLEAZY OFFICE - NIGHT

Bruno answers the phone.

PETRA

Bruno! I've got the jewels.

BRUNO

Good. When are you coming back here?

PETRA

Tomorrow morning. I've got the jewels stashed in the Skelton-Phelps kid's room. Just in case anything goes wrong, see.

BRUNO

Smart thinking.

PETRA

Yeah. And I've got the other one wrapped around my finger. We were right. He's loaded. I'm sure I'll be able to take him for a ride before I get out of here.

BRUNO

You're the best, doll.

Petra looks over and sees Phineas, Carlisle, Bailey, and Amanda heading her way.

PETRA

I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow. Make sure the fence is ready for the loot.

BRUNO

No problem. See ya.

She hangs up the phone. Everyone gathers around her.

CARLISLE

Just making a call?

PETRA

Checking my answering service.

BAILEY

Always good to keep in touch. Come on, we're off to have a few. Care to join us?

Petra cuddles up next to Carlisle.

PETRA

I'd love to.

Amanda glares at Carlisle. He shrugs slightly, but doesn't push Petra away.

EXT DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

Three cars pull up into the driveway. The Range Rover pulls up first and disgorges Phineas and Beecher. The Aston Martin pulls up behind, and Amanda and Carlisle pile out. Finally, the MG pulls in, bearing Bailey and peevish Petra. The group, clearly quite tipsy, staggers about, trying to be sneaky.

PHINEAS

(loud whisper)

All right. We've made it this far. Everyone be quiet.

Everyone tiptoes in an exaggerated manner. Amanda bursts out laughing. Everyone loudly shushes her. They freeze, trying to see if their movements woke Ophelia, see nothing, so keep sneaking. Phineas makes it to the front door, puts his hand on the doorknob, then is stunned when the lights go on and the door flies open, revealing Ophelia looking mightily angry and awake.

OPHELIA

You may all stop these childish antics! This is no time for fooling around.

PHINEAS

I'm sorry, dear. Honestly, we did intend to be back sonner.

OPHELIA

That's not what I'm talking about.

PHINEAS

It isn't?

OPHELIA

Don't be daft. I don't care how late you stay out. If you don't care about your health, it's no concern of mine. No, we have larger problems.

PHINEAS

We do?

OPHELIA

We do. My jewelry has been stolen.

PHIENAS

What?

OPHELIA

All of it. Gone. My pearls. My diamonds. My rubies. All of it!

PHINEAS

Oh, my.

OPHELIA

That's putting it mildly.

PHINEAS

Everyone inside. I'll call the constable.

DETECTIVE RUGGLES, a hugely built police officer in plainclothes, steps out from the doorway and extends his hand.

RUGGLES

No need, Mr. Kenyon. Detective Charles Ruggles, Welfleet Police Department. I arrived ten minutes ago. Come inside.

AMANDA

I'll make some coffee.

Amanda scurries inside. Everyone else follows.

INT FOYER - NIGHT

Everyone is loitering about in the foyer, drinking coffee.

RUGGLES

All right. I think you had all better get to bed. I'll stay up for the night and help patrol. Many times the thieves will come back just to make sure they didn't miss anything. This time, though, we'll be ready.

PHINEAS

Are you sure you don't want us to help?

RUGGLES

No, the best thing you can all do is get some sleep. So, upstairs!

Ruggles sweeps everyone up the stairs, with the exception of Ophelia, who stays behind.

RUGGLES

You too, Mrs. Kenyon.

OPHELIA

Do you really think the burglars will come back?

RUGGLES

To be honest, Mrs. Kenyon, I think this was an inside job.

OPHELIA

Really?

RUGGLES

Yes. The thief knew right where you kept your jewelry.

OPHELIA

Yes. That's so.

RUGGLES

And, and this is key, you saw Mr. Skelton-Phelps' car pull up to the house, at a time when Mr. Skelton-Phelps should have been at the festival.

OPHELIA

I didn't have my glasses in, but it looked like his car.

RUGGLES

Precisely. So, someone must have had access to his car and returned to the house while everyone was busy at the festival.

OPHELIA

Yes, of course. Well, I put my trust in you, Detective. I'm sure you'll apprehend the miscreant.

RUGGLES

Have no fear, madam.

INT CARLISLE'S ROOM - NIGHT

Carlisle is getting ready for bed when a knock is heard at his door. He opens it and finds Amanda standing at the doorway.

CARLISLE

You really have a terrible habit of disturbing people in their rooms.

AMANDA

Oh, hush. Look, I've got a plan.

CARLISLE

What sort of plan?

AMANDA

For helping Bailey get Petra.

CARLISLE

Ah, care to let me in on it?

AMANDA

Not yet. Come with me to Bailey's room.

INT BAILEY'S ROOM - NIGHT

Bailey is getting ready for bed when a knock is heard at his door. He opens it and finds Amanda and Carlisle standing at the doorway.

BAILEY

What are you two doing here?

CARLISLE

She's got a plan.

BAILEY

What sort of plan?

AMANDA

Be quiet. Let us in.

Bailey backs up and the two enter the room. Amanda closes the door behind her. They all gather together conspiratorily.

AMANDA

All right, here it is. The best way to win a girl like Petra is to convice her that you're a real man's man.

BAILEY

I don't follow.

AMNADA

Just think. How could she resist you if you were one of those bold, adventurous men? One of those men who scoffs at danger, laughs in the face of death.

CARLISLE

Baits lions, all that?

AMANDA

Exactly. Or one who catches burglars.

Amanda looks at the two men waiting for approval. They clearly don't follow her. Then, Carlisle's face lights up.

CARLISLE

Say, I bet she'd go all nuts for Bailey if he caught that burglar that's been running around.

AMANDA

Exactly.

CARLISLE

Is that what you were getting at?

AMANDA

Yes.

CARLISLE

Oh. You should have just come out and said it.

AMANDA

Clearly, I should have. Regardless, that's all you have to do.

BAILEY

But I don't know how to catch burglars.

AMANDA

It's easy. You heard the detective. The thieves are going to come back tonight. Just lurk about until they show up, then bop them on the head with a croquet mallet.

BAILEY

What if there's a whole gang of them?

AMANDA

Don't worry, Carlisle will help you.

CARLILSE

I will?

AMANDA

Yes. He is your cousin after all.

CARLISLE

Step-cousin, actually.

AMANDA

Hush up. You'll do fine.

EXT LAWNS - NIGHT

Bailey and Carlisle are out, fully dressed, brandishing croquet mallets. They are tiptoeing about, looking for burglars. They speak in whispers.

BAILEY

I feel silly.

CARLISLE

Me too, but you must admit this is a fine plan.

BAILEY

I suppose. But what if you catch the burglars?

CARLISLE

Then I whack them over the head and give you the credit for it.

BAILEY

That should work. Should we split up?

CARLISLE

Sounds good. I'll head this way.

Carlisle heads off into the woods. Bailey looks around for a while, until Carlisle has disappeared. He continues to tiptoe until he hears some movement in the bushes.

BAILEY

Hello. Is anyone there?

He hears no response so moves closer, brandishing his mallet.

BAILEY

Hello?

Still nothing. Suddenly, a figure springs out of the bushes. Bailey swings with the mallet and whacks Ruggles in the gut.

RUGGLES

Ooof.

Ruggles falls to the ground. Bailey runs over to him.

BAILEY

Hello. Are you all right?

RUGGLES

No thanks to you.

Ruggles rolls over and points his pistol at Bailey.

RUGGLES

You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

BAILEY

Oh, dear.

INT FOYER - NIGHT

Ruggles enters with Bailey, who is now handcuffed. Ruggles flips on the light.

RUGGLES

Everybody wake up!

Everyone does. In moments, the foyer is filled with people in pajamas, nightgowns, and housecoats.

RUGGLES

All right. I've caught your burglar.

OPHELIA

Bailey? Don't be absurd.

PHINEAS

Yes. That's Mason Phelps' son.

BAILEY

Step-son, really.

RUGGLES

Quiet, you. Well, be that as it may, it still doesn't explain what he was doing skulking about in the middle of the night wielding this!

He holds up the croquet mallet. Everyone gasps.

BAILEY

I was trying to catch the burglar.

RUGGLES

Is that so? Well, if you are innocent, which I very much doubt, I'm sure you won't mind if we search your room.

BAILEY

Go right ahead.

INT BAILEY'S ROOM - NIGHT

Everyone marches into Bailey's room, where the Detective begins going to all the usual places, e.g., under the matress, under pillows, etc.

BAILEY

You're not going to find anything. I'm clean as a hound's...

Ruggles pulls out a bag of jewelry.

OPHELIA

My jewels!

RUGGLES

You were saying?

Bailey is speechless. Ruggles grabs him and drags him off. Ophelia and Phineas follow him. Petra slips away to bed. Carlisle and Amanda remain behind, shocked.

AMANDA

That doesn't make sense!

CARLISLE

I'll say! Why would he try to catch the burglar if he stole the jewels?

AMANDA

He wouldn't.

CARLISLE

Unless it was a clever way to make us think he wasn't the burglar. Say, that's pretty good. My own step-cousin. A master criminal.

AMANDA

He's not a master criminal, you oaf.

CARLISLE

No, I guess he got caught, didn't he?

AMANDA

No, what I meant was, he didn't steal the jewels.

CARLISLE

He didn't?

AMANDA

No. Why would Bailey steal jewels? He's loaded, for one.

CARLISLE

You may have something there.

AMANDA

All right, let me think about this. I'm going to bed.

CARLISLE

Sounds like a fine plan.

INT FOYER - NIGHT

Ophelia and Phineas are following Ruggles out.

OPHELIA

I'm terribly sorry to have doubted you.

RUGGLES

No offense taken, madam.

PHINEAS

Yes, thank you ever so much for returning these.

He holds up the bag of jewels.

RUGGLES

Just doing my job. However, I would recommend that you lock those up this time.

PHINEAS

Not a problem. I'll put them in the safe right now.

OPHELIA

Give me the key when you're done. I'll wear it here.

She opens up the locket hanging around her neck, then walks Ruggles and Bailey out to the car while Phineas heads back to the study with the jewels. He opens a safe behind a bookshelf and places the jewels inside. The camera pans back to show Petra spying on him. She ponders for a moment, then runs upstairs.

INT HALLWAY - NIGHT

Carlisle walks out of the bathroom, drying off his face on a handtowel, which he tosses into a hamper. He opens the door to the bedroom. He turns on the light, and Petra can be seen sitting on his bed. He turns around, sees her, and shouts.

PETRA

Quiet!

CARLISLE

Sorry. I just wasn't expecting to see you here. What are you doing here anyway?

PETRA

I wanted to see you.

She moves towards him seductively.

CARLISLE

Yes, well. Many have told me I make pleasant company, but I think you'll find I'm much more pleasant in the morning, so, if you don't mind, I think I'll just be getting to bed.

PETRA

I don't mind at all. I'll join you.

CARLISLE

I think you'll find your bedroom is down the hall. You're in the blue room, aren't you?

Petra suddenly starts crying.

CARLISLE

I'm sorry. Yellow room, is it?

Petra glares at him.

CARLISLE

Sorry. What's wrong?

PETRA

I don't know. I've just been so tense with the robbery and all. They stole my earrings.

CARLISLE

Well, it's a good thing we got them back then, isn't it?

PETRA

No. Mrs. Kenyon had to go and lock all the jewelry up in the safe, even my earrings. I so wanted to wear them tomorrow.

CARLISLE

That's no problem. Just go over and ask her to unlock the safe and that'll be that.

PETRA

I can't do that. I don't want to bother her now. Carlisle, why don't you just go get the key for me?

CARLISLE

All right. Where is it?

PETRA

Around Mrs. Keyon's neck.

CARLISLE

And you want me to go get it?

Petra nods.

CARLISLE

Without her noticing?

PETRA

Yes. You could do it, couldn't you? A clever fellow like you?

CARLISLE

Well, I suppose I could but... No, I won't do it.

PETRA

But, we're engaged!

CARLISLE

Are we?

PETRA

I just assumed we were. After you came after me and kissed me.

CARLISLE

I think you'll recall that it was you who kissed me.

PETRA

But you kissed back.

CARLISLE

That's right. I did.

PETRA

So we're engaged. And you need to get me that key.

CARLISLE

I'll see what I can do.

PETRA

Wonderful.

She smiles and kisses him on the cheek. She walks out. Carlisle climbs into bed and pulls the covers up to his chin. He reaches over and turns off the bedside lamp.

INT OPHELIA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Ophelia is sitting at the side of her bed on the telephone. The phone is ringing. The ringing stops, the screen splits to reveal Ada in a bathrobe.

ADA

What?

OPHELIA

Ada? This is Ophelia. Do you know what that loathsome wretch of yours has done?

ADA

Ophelia? Why are you calling me at four in the morning?

OPHELIA

That's what I'm trying to tell you. He stole my jewelry!

ADA

Who did?

OPHELIA

Your son!

ADA

Bailey?

OPHELIA

Yes, that's the one.

ADA

Are you sure?

OPHELIA

Of course I'm sure. The constable took him away already. He's in jail at this very minute.

ADA

My word. I'll be down tomorrow.

Ada hangs up the phone. The screen fills with Ophelia's bedroom. Ophelia looks at the phone, then hangs up.

EXT HOUSE - DAWN

Outside shot of sun rising over the house.

INT DINING ROOM - DAWN

Beecher, Phineas, Carlisle, Amanda, and Ophelia are gathered around the dinner table eating breakfast. Everyone looks quite tired and all are acting somewhat crabbish.

OPHELIA

Where's Miss Van Daaniken?

BEECHER

I checked on her. She said she was feeling under the weather.

OPHELIA

Carlisle, your aunt and uncle will be arriving today.

Carlisle does a spit take.

CARLISLE

What?

OPHELIA

Don't talk with your mouth full.

CARLISLE

My apoloigies. Just a little surprised, that's all.

PHINEAS

Fair enough. I'd find it hard to keep food in my mouth if I had an uncle like Mason Phelps.

CARLISLE

Or an aunt like Ada.

PHINEAS

Indeed.

OPHELIA

Stop that, the two of you! They're perfectly good people.

Carlisle looks at his cup and notices it is now empty.

CARLISLE

Have we got any more coffee?

ANTOINE

Yes, sir.

AMANDA

Are we to continue work on the book today, Mrs. Kenyon?

OPHELA

Of course. We can't expect to stop work just because life around the house gets a little out of control.

CARLISLE

Business as usual, eh?

PHINEAS

Right. You'll continue with the tutoring today?

CARLISLE

Right after breakfast.

OPHELIA

Why don't you check on Miss Van Daaniken first? Make sure she's okay.

CARLISLE

Not a problem.

Carlisle excuses himself and heads upstairs.

INT PETRA'S ROOM - DAWN

Petra is furiously packing, throwing clothing into suitcases. A knock is heard at the door.

PETRA

Damn.

She tosses the suitcases under the bed, throws on a housecoat, and dives under the covers.

PETRA

Come in.

The door opens and Carlisle enters.

CARLISLE

Good morning. I heard you weren't quite feeling tip-top, eh, what?

PETRA

No, terrible headache.

CARLISLE

It's a shame there's no liquor in this house. I make this wonderful cassis hangover cure that's to die for.

PETRA

Kind